Susan Boyle works the camera
Many of you would have heard the news the other week that Susan Boyle had cancelled her guest appearance at TV's night of nights, the Logies. No one was more disappointed than Alf from Summer Bay, who had hooked up a date with Susan through RSVP online and thought he was finally going to stone those flaming crows. The most famous Scottish housewife on the planet had snubbed Australia.
Or so we thought.
Little did we know that ANOTHER Susan Boyle had flown into Australia, under the radar and in the care of Cycling Australia's high performance program. She's scottish (well, Italian), weighs 8kgs and, when her chain has been lubed, she sings a treat. Until last Thursday, S.Bo had been in the care of Sarah Roy, a top Aussie cyclist based in Sydney and one of my Tour of NZ teammates. But Susan wanted to see the world and so Roy packed her up and shipped her down to Melbourne so I can take her to Italy to race with the national team.
Lisa's Mum has secured an exclusive interview with Susan Boyle before she jets off to Italy. That's right, another world exclusive! Go Mum.
Lisa's Mum: Susan Boyle, welcome to Melbourne. Have a lammington. Now tell us a bit about yourself.
Susan Boyle: Ooh, I do like lammingtons. I'm a Bianchi Carbon T-Cube Tech 928 with Dura Ace. I like long walks along the footpath at sunset (beaches scare me, I'm British) and feeling the wind through my spokes as I race down hills. Wait, you aren't Sarah Roy! What's happening? Where am I? And why is my seat different?
Lisa's Mum: Your seat was actually a chainsaw in disguise and we had to remove it. To be honest, I'm not sure how Roy survived on you for 3 months. Tell us about your relationship. And put that lammington down! You've had quite enough.
Susan Boyle: Sarah and I had something special. She looked after me and even took me to NZ with her. Together we were amazing. We met at the Tour of Qatar when Roy was racing with the national team and there was an instant connection. But when Roy heard my services were needed in Europe, we had a chat and she let me go to follow my dreams. So now I am going to hang out with Lisa instead. I hope she likes lammingtons.
Lisa's Mum: So what's Roy riding now?
Susan Boyle: I don't really know. I mean, we agreed that it was ok for her to see other bikes now, but for me I just don't like the idea of her moving on and forgetting about me.
Lisa's Mum: I think Roy is still pretty fond of you. I mean, she sent you down in amazing nick. I've never seen a used bike look so schmick. And let's not forget that she gave you up so that Lisa had a bike to ride in Europe. That's pretty cool.
Susan Boyle: I guess I just have to realise that true love is setting someone free.
Lisa's Mum: That's right. Thank you for joining us in the Ride Happy studio today Susan Boyle. Now before you go, we've been following the results of the British election here at Ride Happy. As a Brit, what's your take on it?
Susan Boyle: Well, of course Gordon Brown is Scottish and I think he's just wonderful. His sound economic management just gives me goosebumps. It doesn't look like he's going to win it though. I told him, you know, I said, 'Gordon,' I said, "you just have to dream a dream and it will come." But I don't think he made it through the first audition of Britain's Got Talent. I don't think Simon liked him.
Lisa's Mum: Ummm, I think we're talking about the wrong competition. But thanks anyway Susan, it's been a pleasure.
Susan Boyle: Charmed, I'm sure.