Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Blog comment of the week: Mildred from Eketahuna

Mildred sharpening her pencil

Some of you Ride Happy followers out there will be aware that you can leave comments at the end of these blog posts. What you may not be aware of is that these comments get emailed to me and it makes my day
to open my inbox to a comment or two from readers.

I just got the following comment, which was instantly catapaulted to #1 on the All-Comers Record for Most Intriguing Ride Happy Comment. It was in response to a post I wrote in January 2010. I've reproduced it below because it deserves a wider audience. I then googled 'Whole Smoked Chicken Elite Cycling'... and sure enough my post was there. For her efforts, Mildred from Eketahuna wins an albino unicorn dressed in diamonds. If you have a comment, Lisa's Mum would love to hear from you.* 

Dear Lisa's Mum 
Gosh, well I must say, old Anonymous there, he's a hard act to follow...clearly hangs on your every word!! Anyway, I realise that if one wishes to comment on a blog post, it is customary to do so within a less than geological timeframe, however I must beg to be excused for my lack of timeliness, having only just stumbled on this post (as a result of Googling "Whole Smoked Chicken Elite Cycling"). Being a mid-race-whole-smoked-chicken-snacker from way back, I would like to share my experiences with yourself.
I may often be found hurtling along with a headless chicken on a solo training ride, or winging it at the beaky end of the peloton in a race. So remarkable is the performance enhancement enjoyed by those of us who have discovered this potent sports supplement that, rumour has it, WADA is considering classing it as a banned substance!! (although my informant assures me that rich chicken casserole, spicy chicken kebabs, smoked chicken flavoured cheese fondue and other popular chicken-based mid-race power snacks are not at risk of prohibition). 
May I respectfully add that I find your quibble concerning alleged portability difficulties with whole chickens somewhat 'nit-picking'. Myself, I find that a stylish wire handlebar basket serves splendidly as a receptacle for a whole size 22 chicken or even a small turkey. Moreover, a chicken so carried is located perfectly for munching on in motion without abandoning the aerodynamic posture. Once the preserve of Miss Marple types tootling around quaint English villages, nowadays, a wire handlebar basket is a 'must-have' accessory for the serious competitive cyclist.
Inevitably, as effective a weapon as the 'WSC' has one or two trifling drawbacks: for example, the delectable aroma emanating from one's laden handlebar basket can attract the unwanted attentions of fauna such as vulchers, wolves, dingos and bears (subject to location) and one's chicken may even be the target of theft (total or partial) by passing cyclists!! However such annoyances are simply obviated by investing in a deluxe wire basket featuring a hinged, padlocked lid.
Best regards
Mildred from Eketahuna

*While I think of it, if your name is Anonymous and you recently left me hate mail because you didn't like the tale of Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes, Lisa's Mum would especially love to hear from you because it's been just soooo long. And triathlon season is over so you must have lots more time now to write hate mail. 


  1. Mildred responds....

    Dear Mum

    Goodness me, what a delightful surprise!! Mind you, I havn't felt so shy since I won the 'Biggest Home-Grown Egg' contest (pronounced, please: "Bugust Hairmgran Eeeg" – I know you Australians struggle with your English) at the Eketahuna A & P show in '56.

    And so sweet of you to choose a picture of me in my younger years (quite a head-turner then wasn't I!!). If memory serves, that photo was of me on the tiles at Eketahuna's civic gala to celebrate the town getting its first telephone, way back in 1998.

    Well I'm very much looking forward to the arrival of my lovely 'corn!! Just pop it in the mail to "Mildred, RD, Eketahuna" (the "RD" may be omitted as it goes without saying). I do have rather a lot of corns already, but there's always room for another one, and yours sounds quite special I must say.

    Kindest regards

    Mildred ('Dred to my friends) from Eketahuna

    PS: Not wishing to sound nit-picking, but I've just had my cataracts removed and looking at the photo with my reading glasses on, I'm quite sure I was using one of those new-fangled ball paint quills, not a pencil...have to have the latest and greatest, that's me!!

  2. The fabric of public society lies in the manners of the individuals that make up that society. To hold this fabric together, you have to have those manners. If you don’t have them, then public society will kick you out.