Welcome back to ridehappy as Lisa's Mum brings you live coverage of stage 4 of the Tour Down Under. Today's stage is 149.5km of rollicking fun and takes in 2 intermediate sprints and a KOM.
10:45am CST The riders are relaxing in their team vans ahead of the stage start and...wait, CADEL HAS ATTACKED! Yes, the man who never attacks is clearly trying to shake that reputation as he has grabbed a Channel 7 cameraman by the scruff of the neck and appears to be laying into him with both fists. This man is clearly out for the Most Aggressive jersey today.
10:55am CST: Cadel's attack on the cameraman has been brought under control and the riders have lined up on the start line. It looks like Greipel is just polishing off the last of his pre-race baby snack. All the riders in the tour have to be constantly aware of the need for hydrating and re-fuelling before, during and after the race. Jonathan Castroviejo (Euskaltel-Euskadi) has clearly got this in mind as he finishes his fifth Pedro Ximénez.
11am CST: And the riders are off! The first 10km are a neutral zone. Robbie McEwen appears to be pulling a mono for all but 3m of the 10km, where he pauses to flick the bird at Stuey O'Grady. Stuey doesn't appear to have noticed as he has put one of his kids on his bike to pedal and he is just sitting on the handlebars. And...OH MY GOD, CADEL HAS ATTACKED AGAIN! This time it's his bar tape that is bearing the brunt of his anger. You can see how this man is world champion, the attack was so quick that I don't think even the bar tape saw it coming.
11:30am CST: The wind is picking up now and the peleton has strung out. Mum has been receiving a number of texts from followers online, here are a few:
Dear Mum, I am doing the 160km challenge ride today and I'm a bit unsure about what to pack for snacks. Is 14 gels and a whole smoked chicken going to satisfy my carb and protein requirements? Sincerely, Jim
Jim - it all comes down to your personal preferences. Lisa's Mum packs a combination of scones and cucumber sandwiches, but only because she can't fit a smoked chicken into her jersey pocket next to the thermos. Perhaps if you were short on space, you could try smoked chicken flavoured gels.
Dear Mum, I am thinking of attacking today, how would you suggest I do it? Cheers, T Roe
Roey - The key to a successful attack is to set up a diversion. I would suggest you get Bling (UniSA teammate Michael Matthews) to ride up the front for a while and flash his gold chains into the eyes of the rest of the peleton. Whilst they are blinded by Bling's bling, take off. If anyone asks where you are, get your teammates to tell them that you popped home for a bit as it was on the way anyway. Foolproof.
Dear Mum, I am having trouble getting out of my house as all these people in lycra are in the way with their blasted bikes. This morning I went to the bakery and they had run out of pies and gatorade. All I want is to drive my car in the left hand lane in peace. What can I do? - Agnes Smythe, Goolwa
Dear Agnes - I suggest you drive in the right hand lane like everyone else in Adelaide. Love Mum.
12:30pm CST: A small breakaway has got a gap of 1:19 on the rest of the field. We can't verify who is in it as all the media bikes have stayed to watch Lance in the main bunch.
Dear Mum, if you speak to Lance, can you tell him to return my tweets? I'm worried sick. Regards, M Rann
Randy - Don't worry. I've just made contact with Lance and he says that you two are still besties. Love Mum.
Mum - how come Lance returns your texts but not mine? Regards, M Rann
Randy - He says he's lost your number. Love Mum.
Mum - it's 0402 654 574. Can you pass that on? Regards, M Rann
2:05pm CST: Sorry for the delay in broadcast folks, Mum was at lunch. They're coming into 40km to go, not long now. And... wait folks, we are having some broadcasting problems, we may be interrupted... yes, we will have to take a break and return in a moment.