Lisa Jacobs - Ride Happy

New post on Ride Happy: Tour of Geelong

2011-08-18T22:31:00.000+10:00

Just letting you know that there is a new post on the new Ride Happy site (http://www.ridehappy.com.au/) - I'm trying to use that one rather than this one as I can do more fun things with a .com.au site. So if you haven't bookmarked it, GET IN!
Thanks guys for following - and hope you enjoy the new site even more.

Ride Happy
Lisa

Lisa's Mum does Cadel's PR

2011-07-25T09:28:00.000+10:00

Hi guys - new post up on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ - Following the success of the 'Yell for Cadel' campaign, Lisa's Mum goes through Cadel's lesser-known PR campaigns. Enjoy.

On a personal note, my rehab is progressing and I'm hoping to be back racing in a couple of weeks. Fingers and toes crossed and double-crossed!

Lisa's Mum presents: How to survive a conversation with a Tour tragic

2011-07-11T16:15:00.000+10:00

Hi guys - new RideHappy.com.au post up here about How to Survive a Conversation with a Tour Tragic.

Check out the crazy antics of a French media car in stage 9 - causing one of the most unnecessary crashes I've seen in a long time.

Carly Hibberd tragically killed in Italy

2011-07-07T10:31:00.000+10:00

I've just woken up to this horrible news. Some days I hate cycling. There's a bit more on the main Ride Happy page: http://www.ridehappy.com.au/.

Rest in peace mate.

New bike setup, Le Tour time and Aussies at the Giro Donne

2011-07-04T14:18:00.000+10:00

It's been a big week. The highlight for me was waking up on Sunday to discover that Aussie Shara Gillow was leading the Giro Donne (women's Giro d'Italia) with Sharon Laws in 2nd. Both of these chicks are awesome riders, physiological freaks and hard workers, and it's great to see their hard work paying off. Very well deserved. Today they are in 4th and 5th GC with Marianne Vos back to her winning ways (ok, if an Aussie could lose to anyone, it'd be Vos. I'm ok with that.) There is a lot of the Giro to go though so anything can happen... and to see Shara and Sharon in such good form is a great sign for their GC prospects.

Second big event was the Tour de France kicking off on Saturday. What a cracking start. I think everyone (myself included) thought it'd be a big yawn with Contador dominating everything, but the 2 crashes in stage 1 put paid to that. Contador is now almost 2 minutes down after stage 2's TTT and he will have to pull something incredible out of the bag to claw that back. Anything's possible now in the Tour and that's what makes it so exciting. Unfortunately I picked Contador on my TdF tipping team and it looks like I'm doomed!

Third big event (well, for me, anyway) was flying to Adelaide to get a bike fit done with Brian Hayes at AIS track. It was awesome to go home, even if only for 20 hours! and Brian has made some changes to my bike setup which I am HOPING will eliminate my hip pain. Things went well on a bunch ride on Saturday with TE which was encouraging. It is early days yet and I should know over the next couple of weeks how my body is responding to the new position.

Phew! Lots of words. Sorry guys. More pictures and fun things on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ - including Lisa's Mum's long-awaited commentary on the Tour de France!

Ride Happy

More pictures from Adelaide

2011-06-27T14:19:00.000+10:00

Hi guys - there are some more pictures up on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ (my new site) from people's childhood photo albums in Adelaide, courtesy of local site Adelaide Cyclists. They really brought a smile to my face. Hope you enjoy them too.
Ride Happy.

Adelaide's first bikes

2011-06-23T11:00:00.000+10:00

I've just discovered the site http://www.adelaidecyclists.com/. It's awesome. On their forum today are a heap of photos sent in by readers showing them with their first bike - their pride and joy. I've put a few of my favourite pics up on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/, and you can find the rest at Adelaide Cyclists here.
Does anyone have others to add?

What You Wish You'd Worn This Morning

2011-06-20T17:13:00.002+10:00

New column on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ - What You Wish You'd Worn This Morning. Get on board and send in your fave pics!

Lisa's Mum replies: Sickness and the Office Douchebag

2011-06-15T17:19:00.000+10:00

Just letting you know folks that there is a new Lisa's Mum post up on http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ today. Enjoy.

Brrr! Winter is here

2011-06-13T18:12:00.000+10:00

I went up to the mountains this weekend... Not for the faint hearted, as you can see from the frost my bike collected.
Actually my hip wasn't too happy so I didn't get much bike time but did manage to fit in a couple of xc skis and a run. Unlike 2009, which I spent being very inactive with an ITB injury, my hip injury is restricting my cycling but lets me do other things. So now is the time for cross training. Frustrating but not as much as if I weren't able to do anything.

Hope you all enjoyed your long weekend! Ride happy

New! What Would Cipo Do: Disowning your son over poor bike taste

2011-06-10T13:12:00.000+10:00

Check out the new Ride Happy site for a new post today on What Would Cipo Do. Those allergic to recumbents should be advised to keep their epi-pen or inhaler handy.

And don't forget to bookmark http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ for future posts. For those who love their iPhones, Ride Happy is now mobile compatible! I love technology.

New letter to Lisa's Mum: Sickness and the Office Douchebag

2011-06-06T13:37:00.000+10:00

New post up on the new Ride Happy website folks - today Lisa's Mum shares a letter she has received from a fan. Check it out.
Don't forget to bookmark the new Ride Happy site at http://ridehappy.com.au/ too!

Family time

2011-06-04T19:27:00.001+10:00

Quick pic of my sister and I at Adelaide's Central Market a few weeks ago when I was home. Cathy is my big sister and has always looked out for me. This included letting me play with her and her friends, and sharing her twisties at the Magic Cave when I spilt mine on the floor. Unfortunately because she was always smaller than me growing up, I would get the blame when we were fighting because she would cry first. Now though we play nicely and she still looks out for me.

Lisa's Mum presents: What Would Cipo Do

2011-05-31T12:10:00.000+10:00

Hi all - just letting you know that Lisa's Mum has migrated to the new Ride Happy site and today presents her new column, What Would Cipo Do? She is getting restless... please write to her so she can stop rearranging the furniture and ironing underwear.

Ride happy

Something to make you smile

2011-05-27T13:11:00.000+10:00

Happy Friday! I saw this yesterday on my way home and it made me laugh so hard I had to share it. Hope you enjoy it too (whether you are a child of the 80s or not!).

Don't forget to check out http://www.ridehappy.com.au/ - the new home of Ride Happy.

Cheers

New Ride Happy website!

2011-05-24T22:19:00.000+10:00

Hold onto your hats, readers - Ride Happy is evolving and now has a new website! The place to be is http://www.ridehappy.com.au/. Be a cool kid and save it to your Favourites like Lisa's Mum would do.
This blog will still be around for a while but all the good stuff will be on the website. A HUGE thanks to Niki Fisher who designed Ride Happy's awesome new logo!

Ride happy

You know it's time to hit the gym when...

2011-05-24T11:17:00.000+10:00

...you can see the bottom of your coffee cup.

Last night I went to Pilates for the first time in a few weeks. I've been in Adelaide and I've found it hard to find to find anywhere as good as Perfect Pilates in Melbourne. So it was good to be back on the mat again.

1 June marks the start of winter and the start of Get Buff month. Get Buff month (also known as Get Ripped Month, Get Massive Month or Fatty Begone Month) was established in 2008 with an old training partner of mine as we were both recovering from various injuries and happily coincided with the discovery of a $4 gym in our neighborhood. It was a good way to bring some fresh motivation into a pretty cold and wet Winter.

Now, each Winter, athletes around the world celebrate Get Buff Month with the purchase of new bike lights and winter gloves. The month starts with the historic 'Unveiling of the Winter Doona' and 'Festival of the Higher Heating Bills'. Ceremonial robes (generally made of gortex) and waterproof booties are worn and cement smoothies are enjoyed by all to harden up and get out there.

I've seen a few people already preparing for Get Buff Month... If you aren't one of them yet, get on board! There's no better way to feel better in the winter.

Ok, enough talk from me. I'm off to hot the VIS gym. Either I'm getting old, or just more in tune with my body, but I'm really finding a benefit from doing more strength work off the bike.

Ride happy

It's almost the weekend!

2011-05-20T15:29:00.000+10:00

Just a very quick post to say have a great weekend, whatever you are up to. Stay safe on the roads, be predictable and smooth in the bunch, and remember to smile at your barista in the cafe afterwards!

As it's Friday, it's only fitting to end the week with a joke. Not very cycling-related, I know, but it made me laugh.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists... Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances.
In side of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!!!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out
with tears in his eyes." I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.
She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, and said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."

Ride happy

Read more: http://www.ajokeaday.com/Clasificacion.asp?ID=58#ixzz1MrqqZlWP

Cyclists beware! New baggage restrictions for Virgin Australia

2011-05-09T09:20:00.001+10:00

I am sitting in Melbourne Airport on my way to Adelaide, fuming about my excess baggage charge. Virgin Blue have just changed their rules about carrying sporting equipment. Your total baggage allowance is now 23kg, including bike. Previously having a bike entitled you to 28kg. Excess baggage is $15/kg and no matter how much you bat your eyelids you will be slugged!

I'm heading over to Adelaide to see my family, do some training with my old mates at SASI, and do a race. Packing the bare minimum (which is still a fair bit of stuff when you do all of that) took me way over and I'm now $90 lighter- almost more than my airfare.

If you booked your ticket before 27 April you are entitled to 28kg, although you need to argue that at checkin as they don't volunteer it.

It's sad to see Virgin going the way of other airlines as they used to be the cyclist-friendly airline. No more.

Ride happy (without excess luggage!)

The Famous Five and the Canberra Tour

2011-05-03T12:16:00.001+10:00

Sometimes when I get tired all I want to do is look at pictures, not words. Also, my sister and I are in the midst of writing a children's book and I need to practise my children's writing skills. So I enlisted the help of Greg Long from Greg Long Photography, and my VIS teammate Sarah Roy's 'Memoroys', to tell the story of the Famous Five (aka the Jayco-VIS girls Kendelle, Roy, Jo, Lisa and their coach Donna) at the Canberra Tour:

The Famous Five were fresh from the Summer hols and ready for a jolly good time taking on smugglers and eating lashings of energy gels in Canberra.

'I don't think we'll find any smugglers out here in Stromlo Forest Park,' mumured Jo doubtfully.

'Woof!' said Timmy.

'What was that?' asked Donna.

'I think it was one of the Bundaberg Sugar girls,' said Kendelle. 'They're trying to distract us so they can attack and win the tour. I know, we'll attack first in the opening crit and take them by surprise.'

Bother!' said Lisa. 'Those girls were onto us from the beginning. Now we'll have to spend the next 45 minutes chewing stem and bleeding from our eyeballs. That is a jolly old bore.'

'Woof!' said Timmy.

'Who keeps making that noise?' said Donna

'My, that was a smashing ride,' said Roy. 'And Kendelle came 3rd! Let's celebrate with tea and lemonade and then go sit in an ice bath for 14 minutes. Hurrah!'

The next day, the Famous Five went back to Stromlo and did a 114km road race in the morning followed by a 20km time trial in the afternoon.

'My goodness,' said Lisa. 'I feel like somebody has taken to my legs with a hammer and smashed them into a million pieces. But Jojo came 3rd and is looking jolly good for tomorrow. Let's all sit in another ice bath while Donna washes our smelly kit.'

'Jolly good idea!' agreed the Famous Five. 'You're a brick, Donna!'

That night Lisa had nightmares about her time trial.

On Sunday the Famous Five rode out to Stromlo again in the fog (ideal conditions for smugglers), and raced the 84km final stage road race.

The Famous Five did their best on the final stage, but they could not peg back the time needed to move Jojo up on GC - although Kendelle put on a jolly good show in the road race and earned the team's Lazarus Award for her rise from the dead.

'What a smashing weekend! said Roy. Let's all go home and eat lashings of steak sandwiches on the way.'

'Jolly good idea!' chimed the Famous Five. 'Let's go sit in the car and eat salty treats while Donna drives for 8 hours. You're a brick, Donna!'

'Woof!' said Timmy.

Next: the Famous Five ride to Lorne!

Lisa's Mum wraps up the Tour of Canberra

2011-05-01T21:05:00.001+10:00

Lisa's Mum loves Canberra because she enjoys driving around in circles and believes buying fireworks for domestic use is a right, not a privilege. So it was with great delight that she travelled with us to Canberra. It took us a while to wedge her onto the roof racks of Supercoach Donna's station wagon but that is the price you pay for being a hitch-hiker.
Mum was very impressed with the calibre of ladies racing the tour. Miffy Galloway in particular stomped the house down. And Grace Sulzberger proved that while she might not be called Wes or Bernie, she can bring home the yellow jersey just as well as either of them.
But mostly, Lisa's Mum thought the VIS ladies team was a tight and supercool bunch, with an awesomeness rating exceeded only by the awesomeness of Roy's mum's date and banana loaf. Jo timetrialled like cancellara, Kendelle turned into the super domestique from hell with a stomping stage 4, and Roy proved that lacking a time trial bike was no obstacle to riding a kicker time trial (11th in a national series race, anyone?). And Lisa introduced everyone to the joys of a steak sandwich with the lot, so everyone went home happy. Mum found the AIS ice baths a little cold for her liking, but you cannot have everything Mum.

And now, as Supercoach drives us home along the Hume, it has begun to rain. We must be nearing Melbourne...

ToC stage 1

2011-04-29T17:20:00.000+10:00

The VIS strategy for stage 1's 50min crit was to burn enough energy that we could make a decent assault on the AIS dining hall at dinner tonight. With rumors circulating that apple crumble might be on offer, the team knew it was all or nothing. And so we attacked. And attacked. Even a local Canberran magpie in the spring would have been proud of our relentless aggression.

It appears that many other teams also had some kind of dining hall-themed plan and the race was particularly aggressive. Big up to Loren Rowney who won the final kick ahead of Bec Wiseak and VIS' own pocket rocket Kendelle Hodges.

Now for the real stage 1- dinner and an all you can eat buffet! Now the real attacks start...

Ride Happy

Stage 1: Breakfast

2011-04-29T08:27:00.000+10:00

As I said before, it's all about the AIS dining hall. Canberra Tour will be conducted in and around sessions in the dining hall. It will be tough but we are tour riders and built for eating endurance.

Today's stage (breakfast) began with an attack on the bircher muesli. The bananas and berries counter-attacked to no avail. Just when the field began to falter, a late surge by the cinnamon bagel took out the stage.

Bunking Down In Canberra

2011-04-28T22:00:00.001+10:00

> Maybe it was the 8-hour drive. Maybe it was the caffeine withdrawal headache. Maybe it was the questionable combination of compression socks, Birkenstocks and shorts that I chose this morning. Whatever it was, there was the undeniable feeling that a race was approaching. And so it was that team VIS arrived in Canberra, ready for Canberra Tour tomorrow. (That's Roy and Kendall in the pic below, getting too excited to sleep)
>
> I love tour racing. I also love the AIS dining hall. The two are a match made in heaven and go together better than Roy and food photographs. You will hear further updates from me on both. (Maybe, if the racing part of our trip isn't going so well, you'll hear more about the dining hall.)
>
> First stage is a 50min crit tomorrow afternoon at Stromlo. In Ride Happy tradition I'll try not to dwell on the racing part too long. After all, we have a dining hall visit to prepare for.
>
> Ride Happy

Bunking Down In Canberra

2011-04-28T21:56:00.001+10:00

Heading to Canberra

2011-04-26T22:07:00.000+10:00

Wasn't Easter a cracker!! Andy is back in Australia, the weather gods smiled on us and my body held up for some great training around Bright, in north-east Vic. It was so good to be back riding pain-free and on the way to building some semblance of form. We mixed up some good mountain riding around Mt Buffalo and Mt Beauty with a couple of mtbs in Bright and Beechworth... and a lot of coffee drinking. Paradise. We are also planning what to build on our block of land at Porepunkah (yes Stack we're building a bedroom and barista station just for you!).

On Thursday I head to Canberra for Canberra Tour, the second national series race of the year. It will be a good tour - the organisers have made it even harder than last year. Team VIS will have all 4 riders (me, Jo, Kendelle and Roy) and Supercoach Donna at the helm. Looking forward to it.

Ride Happy

Blog comment of the week: Mildred from Eketahuna

2011-04-20T22:49:00.000+10:00

Mildred sharpening her pencil

Some of you Ride Happy followers out there will be aware that you can leave comments at the end of these blog posts. What you may not be aware of is that these comments get emailed to me and it makes my day
to open my inbox to a comment or two from readers.

I just got the following comment, which was instantly catapaulted to #1 on the All-Comers Record for Most Intriguing Ride Happy Comment. It was in response to a post I wrote in January 2010. I've reproduced it below because it deserves a wider audience. I then googled 'Whole Smoked Chicken Elite Cycling'... and sure enough my post was there. For her efforts, Mildred from Eketahuna wins an albino unicorn dressed in diamonds. If you have a comment, Lisa's Mum would love to hear from you.*

Dear Lisa's Mum
Gosh, well I must say, old Anonymous there, he's a hard act to follow...clearly hangs on your every word!! Anyway, I realise that if one wishes to comment on a blog post, it is customary to do so within a less than geological timeframe, however I must beg to be excused for my lack of timeliness, having only just stumbled on this post (as a result of Googling "Whole Smoked Chicken Elite Cycling"). Being a mid-race-whole-smoked-chicken-snacker from way back, I would like to share my experiences with yourself.
I may often be found hurtling along with a headless chicken on a solo training ride, or winging it at the beaky end of the peloton in a race. So remarkable is the performance enhancement enjoyed by those of us who have discovered this potent sports supplement that, rumour has it, WADA is considering classing it as a banned substance!! (although my informant assures me that rich chicken casserole, spicy chicken kebabs, smoked chicken flavoured cheese fondue and other popular chicken-based mid-race power snacks are not at risk of prohibition).
May I respectfully add that I find your quibble concerning alleged portability difficulties with whole chickens somewhat 'nit-picking'. Myself, I find that a stylish wire handlebar basket serves splendidly as a receptacle for a whole size 22 chicken or even a small turkey. Moreover, a chicken so carried is located perfectly for munching on in motion without abandoning the aerodynamic posture. Once the preserve of Miss Marple types tootling around quaint English villages, nowadays, a wire handlebar basket is a 'must-have' accessory for the serious competitive cyclist.
Inevitably, as effective a weapon as the 'WSC' has one or two trifling drawbacks: for example, the delectable aroma emanating from one's laden handlebar basket can attract the unwanted attentions of fauna such as vulchers, wolves, dingos and bears (subject to location) and one's chicken may even be the target of theft (total or partial) by passing cyclists!! However such annoyances are simply obviated by investing in a deluxe wire basket featuring a hinged, padlocked lid.
Best regards
Mildred from Eketahuna

*While I think of it, if your name is Anonymous and you recently left me hate mail because you didn't like the tale of Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes, Lisa's Mum would especially love to hear from you because it's been just soooo long. And triathlon season is over so you must have lots more time now to write hate mail.

Mersey Valley Tour - NRS race #1

2011-04-20T16:29:00.000+10:00

OK guys, this isn't much I know but a report is coming! And maybe some photos if I can find them. Mersey Valley Tour was last weekend and the VIS girls gave it a nudge. I was 3rd on GC and teammate Jo Hogan 4th. Both of us were pretty sick and under the weather so very happy with the result. Teamies Sarah Roy and Kendelle Hodges did awesome domestique work, and I owe Roy a beer for making her sick too. Sorry Roy. I will let you in on a little secret... I almost didn't start stage 3 on Sunday because I was feeling so terrible, but Davo put a pack of throat lozenges on the finish line so I had to complete the race to get to them. In the end it worked out well. I got in a breakaway that stuck (the best kind of breakaway) and we got enough of a gap to propel me to 3rd on GC. Final results: 1st: Tarryn Heather (the woman to beat right now!); 2nd: Grace Sulzberger (also QOM); 3rd: moi.

If you happen to find half a lung on the side of the road in north-west Tassie (more specifically at the base of the final climb on stage 2) please return to owner, one L.Jacobs.

And if you see a llama on the main street of Sheffield, DON'T TAKE A PHOTO unless you want to pay for it. I have nothing against animanl cruelty but I've a feeling it doesn't get paid an appropriate wage for posing for photos with tourists.

Allez Andy!

2011-04-13T22:22:00.000+10:00

Usually, I save Ride Happy for riding stories, but I thought the adventure-seekers amongst you would want to hear about this. My boyfriend, the lovely Andy (aka Mocky) has just finished the Arctic Circle Race in Greenland. The ACR is billed as the toughest cross-country ski race in the world. It's 180km of skiing around the Arctic Circle over 3 days in minus 30deg. The marshalls ride alongside the race with rifles to stop polar bears from attacking you; they give you seal blubber (that's right, seal fat) at feed stations; and at the end of the day you have to CAMP IN THE SNOW. And it's so cold that your snot freezes when you sneeze...

Bless you

It is a race for Hard Men and Hard Women only (like those on the posters in the Mountain Gym in Mt Beauty). Needless to say, I opted to cheer him on from the warmth of Australia. Andy is a pretty handy skier and used to spend his summers racing the world cup circuit in Europe. Back home we were very excited to hear not only that he had survived, but he had come 5th overall behind some eskimos and overall winner Ilya Chernousov from Russia. Allez Andy! The race organisers thought that Andy was from Austria, not Australia, so I emailed them to tell them. To make the email worth reading for them, I also told them that in Australia he was known as The Flying Kangaroo and had recently finished 3rd in Celebrity Masterchef behind Crocodile Dundee and Bindi Irwin. They didn't mention that in the race report though.

Just your everyday commute in Greenland

Andy and his Dad get home on Friday. It's been 8 weeks since he's been home and he flies in a couple of hours before my flight leaves for Mersey Valley Tour in Tassie, hurrah! We'll be able to find out how seal blubber compares to airport coffee.

Andy in a warmer climate

Ask Lisa's Mum

2011-04-05T22:42:00.001+10:00

Lisa's Mum is still basking in the afterglow of her fashion-inspired posts on Ride Happy. You may remember her pearls of wisdom on Jersey selection for the recreational cyclist and wardrobe tips for the urban fixie rider. In fact, it is fair to say that Lisa's Mum is held in high regard on the cycling catwalks of Milan. It was no surprise, therefore, when she received the following appeal for advice from a fan:

Dear Lisa's Mum

I'm looking for something which will set me apart from the cycling crowd. I am quite fond of my bottom but it doesn't quite look big enough in anything that I wear. I also like fluoro yellow and reflective strips. What can you suggest?

Fashion Conscious, South Yarra VIC

Dear Fashion Conscious

I have just the thing for you. Behold - the Reflective Bum Flap!

This thing of beauty arrived in a package only last week from my Italian handservant Guido. As well as being my handservant and being fluent in 5 languages, Guido runs Le Peleton Chic, a boutique cyclery for the fashion conscious. Every so often, Guido comes across an item that is so exquisite, and so delicate, that to release it to the general public would be to commit a crime almost as serious as wearing undies under your knicks. These items he packs lovingly in Belgian lace and sends to me across the seas by albino carrier pigeon. Sometimes these packages can take a while to arrive (depending on how tired the pigeon is), but they are always exquisite. This was one of those times.

You will be pleased to know that when tested on a fleet of greyhounds, the Reflective Bum Flap made even the skinniest one look like it was packing pies. I am also told that J.Lo has ordered 5 of them to complement her Grammy-award-winning booty.

Fashion Conscious, consider your troubled times over.

With love,

Lisa's Mum

Thanks to Llama for the heads up on the delightful bum flap. And apologies to anyone working at Avanti who may have been offended by this post or blinded by the bum flap while working in the factory. If you have found a crime against fashion, Lisa's Mum would love to hear from you.

World Pav-Eating Championship (incorporating the 2011 UCI Tour of NZ)

2011-03-27T10:49:00.001+11:00

You may recall that the Lower Hutt (nr Wellington, NZ) recently hosted the 2011 UCI World Pavlova Eating Championships at the end of the Tour of NZ. Despite a late surge from Japan, the championships were won by a B. Farley, Esq of Australia. Mr Farley moonlights as the VIS bicycle mechanic but it's clear that pav eating is his passion. Ride Happy has secured some footage of Round 5 of the 2011 WPEC, in which Mr Farley suffered a rare defeat by unseeded challenger Madamoiselle S.Roy of Geelong (formerly Sydney). Both did the VIS proud in the championships and are commended on the speed, grace and sheer volume of pavlova consumption.

Any potential sponsors wishing to support either Mr Farley or Mlle Roy can find them in the dessert section of their local supermarket. Thanks to Roy for providing the video.

MTB for sale

2011-03-22T15:17:00.000+11:00

If anyone out there is looking for a nice hardtail mountain bike, I'm selling mine. It's a great bike and hasn't been used much - I never seem to get the time! First in, best dressed - drop me an email at jacobs.lisa@gmail.com
Stats:
Frame: B1 (Euro Dutch brand) - 17" (I'm 177cm tall) - triple butted aluminium (ie it won't crack on you like carbon can...)
Groupset: Full Shimano XTR
Wheels: Bling-bling Mavic race wheelset with tubeless Schwalbe Racing Ralph tyres
Forks: Skareb
Where's my carbon fix? FSA carbon cranks and handlebars
Price: $1750. Or, if you're a nice person, let's talk.

Ride happy!

NOW WITH PHOTOS Oceania champs

2011-03-21T11:14:00.002+11:00

Thanks to Jarrod Partridge @ Cyclingtribe.com for the photos

I'm afraid I don't have much to write about the Oceania champs, other than that they were a pretty painful reminder of how frustrating the injury management process is. I worked hard for VIS teammate Bridie O'Donnell (as did the rest of the Jayco-VIS crew) and she came 2nd, but I spent the next day packed in ice and not able to ride much. C'est la vie.

L-R: Sarah Roy, Bridie O'Donnell, Laura Luxford, me

The 'O-shees' were held in Shepparton, VIC, which is of course the home of the SPC Ardmona canning factory. Knowing how fond athletes are of living on baked beans, the organisers thoughtfully selected a host city that would satisfy our need for both racing and purchasing discounted bulk foodstuffs. I will not tell you how much I spent on beans; suffice to say it exceeded my coffee budget for the month and it's probably best you avoid standing downwind from me for the next year or so. My excitement at visiting the SPC factory was matched only by my gratitude toward the barista who saved the day with a caffeine hit moments before. My first aid recollection is rusty, but I'm pretty sure the 'C' in St John's DRABC stands for Coffee. It was hard to say who was the biggest hero that day - Shara Gillow for doing the double (now 2011 Oceania RR & TT champion!), the barista, or the servo attendant on the way home who provided both steamed AND fried dim sims. Let's call it a three-way tie.

Best of luck to all the guys and gals who are jetting off to Europe for the first world cup. Allez!! For me, this week promises to be filled with gym, physio, massage and pilates reformer machines. I'm going to nail this bastard.

Ride Happy

Blog #5 of the Blog-A-Day Challenge: The Carbon Fibre Tax

2011-03-18T10:14:00.001+11:00

The real reason behind Labor's carbon tax

From Ride Happy's political reporter in Canberra:

Confusion reigned in Canberra yesterday as the government was forced to clarify their positon on carbon emmisions trading. Until today, political analysts had believed that Labor's proposed carbon tax was the result of a compromise reached with the independent ministers who hold the balance of power in their minority government. However, today this presumption was quashed as Labor confirmed that a faulty press leak was responsible for the word 'fibre' to be left out of 'carbon fibre tax', and that in fact the new tax had nothing to do with climate change. Rather, the new 'carbon fibre tax' proposed by Cabinet was a direct slingshot at Opposition Leader Tony Abbott and was intended to reduce the total number of overweight corporates gladding about on $20,000 carbon fibre bikes.

Under Labor's proposed carbon fibre tax, scenes like this will be a thing of the past

A Labour representative released the following statement:

'Australia is facing uncertain times and we now know that the trend toward the purchase of high-spec carbon fibre bikes is here to stay. A tax on carbon fibre will help preserve the future of our country by hitting those who use carbon fibre the most - the corporate suits with high disposable incomes. No more can we deny that carbon fibre tredleys are a reality.'

Spokesman for the Opposition told media that the proposed carbon fibre tax was yet another 'Big New Tax' by the Gillard government and would ultimately cost jobs and hurt the economy.

Opposition Leader Tony Abbott confronted the media today wearing full lycra in defiance of the new carbon fibre tax.

'It's clearly because Julia Gillard doesn't like to see Tony Abbott in lycra,' Tony Abbott declared. 'If she looked as good as I do in spandex there's no way we would see this tax put forward.

'The carbon fibre tax will disrupt business by forcing decent, hardworking businessmen and women to pay over the odds for their right to ride Super Record, or else seek alternative frame materials. I'd even go so far as to say Julia Gillard is in cahoots with the titanium frame manufacturing industry.

'The Opposition accepts that carbon change is a reality. But the scientific basis for the change and how best to deal with it remains to be seen.'

The Prime Minister could not be contacted for comment.

Ride Happy, Canberra.

Blog #4 of the blog-a-day challenge: Something cycling-related (for a change)

2011-03-17T09:22:00.000+11:00

CT, Megan and I living it up at Giro del Trentino last year

I ran into a friend a few weeks ago in NZ and she asked me what I was up to this year. She read my blog, but fairly pointed out that it wasn't very useful in telling her about my cycling career. I figure some of you may be thinking the same. I generally try to avoid writing about useful factual stuff like race results and stats, but it's time for a brief factoid post.

I've been managing injury since Sept 2010. Basically, it's a pelvic/hip problem which has been causing a series of related injuries in my left quad, hip and knee. It has been an immensely frustrating period but lately progress has been good and we are all optimistic that full recovery is not far away. I have been looked after very well by the VIS team of specialists, without whom I would have cracked. The injury meant that I had to miss nationals and am only just returning to racing now. It is a slow and frustrating process.

I chose not to pursue a team contract overseas for this year. Racing in Europe is great but so is my career, my life and relationships in Australia and the best combination for my general happiness is to do a bit of racing o/s without spending the whole year away. My plan had been to train up a storm over Summer, and get results at nationals, Tour of NZ and Oceanias that were good enough to go overseas with the national team for some cool races in 2011 - like what I did last year. Unfortunately, getting injured put paid to my master plan.

Racing in NZ... but not quite how I'd planned

Rehab has been pretty intense - at one stage I counted up 9 rehab-related appointments each week - and I was getting sick of not making progress. So I've taken some time out from my career as a lawyer to focus on getting back to full fitness and back overseas. The paycheck isn't quite the same but I can be a lawyer for a lot longer than I can be a cyclist, and taking some time out to re-evaluate my career direction will be good for my mental health. I've got a few projects I'd like to give some time to (including rebuilding Ride Happy into something bigger and better) and this is the perfect time to explore them. I'm doing some more writing and am just about to start working with Scody. I've also just been granted a scholarship to study post graduate Law and business strategy, thanks to a partnership between VIS and Open Universities.

So that's about it. Injury is part and parcel of being an elite athlete, and some of us have to deal with it more than we'd like to. I'm immensely lucky to have the support of the VIS and some awesome sponsors (they're listed on the right, but a special shout out to John Hill @ High5, Mel Lambourn @ St Mel and Marcus Speed @ Perfect Pilates - you guys rock). My coach, Donna Rae-Szalinski, is The Original Supercoach, and if anyone can get me back into form it's her. The lovely Andy continues to be lovely. All in all, I am very lucky.

It's hard to be grumpy when you're wearing a cool t-shirt

My race calendar for the next little while looks to be the national road series in Australia, and if I can show some lightning form, maybe some races overseas. At the end of the day, if I ride fast, I'll get overseas. If I don't, I won't. Pretty simple really.

Whew! That's enough factoids for today. Don't worry kids, the Ride Happy you know and love will be back to normal tomorrow!

Thumbs up

What your roof rack says about you

2011-03-16T08:44:00.000+11:00

Some people believe that you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. Others say you need to look into their eyes. Lisa's Mum looks no further than a person's roof rack. She has kindly agreed to share her wisdom here in exchange for a cucumber sandwich and a pot of earl grey. Mum's wisdom doesn't come cheap...

The Rear Rack
You like a challenge and think nothing of dangling 4 kids' bikes, a tricycle and Dad's road bike off the back of your car. After all, that's what occy straps are for. You can't put them all on the roof anyway- that's where the roof box with Mum's nordic walking poles is. You enjoy watching the terrified faces of drivers behind you while you're doing 120kph on the Hume.
Favourite destination: Seaside holiday parks

The Roof Rack (whole bike)

You either own a race convoy vehicle, or are good at remembering not to drive into underground carparks/Macca's drive thru/your carport. Alternatively, you are just too lazy to take off your front wheel each time you drive somewhere. You're probably also quite a tall person, or drive a really short car.
You try to avoid: Driving in crosswinds or under low bridges

The Roof Rack (fork mount): You back yourself to remember to strap in that rear wheel buckle, despite that third coffee. You also back yourself to remember to put your front wheel in the car boot rather than leaving it by the side of the car and subsequently backing over it. Primary qualities: Self-belief and self-confidence.

Handmade: You are a resourceful chap (or chapette) with a cheap bike and an even cheaper car. You think bike insurance is a waste of money and you re-use tea bags. Favourite tool: Welder.

Other
Your extreme rebellious streak is matched only by your intermittent forgetfulness. As you lift your bike onto the roof of the car, you are sure that it weighed a lot less before the race. Must have been all that mud. It's hard to tell - you forgot your glasses. Now where's little Johnny?

Day 2 of the blog-a-day challenge: Your horoscope for today

2011-03-15T09:11:00.000+11:00

Lisa's Mum does enjoy dressing up for the occasion

I normally don't go for horoscopes. When I run out of paper to read, and there is only the Wizard of ID comic strip, the Vice Regal and the horoscopes left, SOMETIMES I read my horoscope. Mostly, it's because I don't like to be pigeon-holed (as in, 'OMG you are, like, SO Virgo!'). Also, I am a bit bored with the star signs we have. I consulted Lisa's Mum about this and she has presented me with her alternative horoscope for the day, based on what you do, not when you're born. Well done Mum.

If you work in an office: Tolerance and stamina are the words for this week as the mail room loses your PBK order. Jupiter's moons align in your barista's orbit to create you the perfect espresso at morning tea time. That annoying colleague who always talks about himself accidentally staples himself to his desk and doesn't show up to annoy you at yours. Opportunity comes in the form of a public holiday and a 4-day week. Your lower back starts to hurt.

If you are a student/athlete/general bum: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you don't have to go to work, you ninny. Go hang out at a cafe and talk about how poor you are.

If you are a born optimist: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you've read The Secret and you know that if you believe it it will be true. Go visualise a parking space at your local shopping centre. Venus entering into the new moon brings with it the promise of untold riches as you find $2 lying on the ground.

If you are a born pessimist: Today is a brilliant day! Why? Because you haven't been hit by a bus... yet. Pluto's patterns this month indicate that trouble is on the horizon. Could be related to that email you got last week, promising you $1m from that nice bloke in Nigeria. You have a headache. Could be a tumour.

OK, that's all from me today folks. Ride happy... I hope all your horoscope dreams come true.

Warburton Cycle Fest Road Race - 26 March 2011

2011-03-14T15:29:00.000+11:00

My computer felt a bit neglected during the great blogging drought of '11

Happy long weekend to those having one! Sorry for the blogging drought. Thanks for hanging in there. Here is my challenge for the week: a post each day this week. It'll be challenging (particularly as house is still sans internet) which makes it half the fun. Lisa's Mum letters required! Please send them through to me at jacobs.lisa@gmail.com.

In the meantime, if you are in Victoria on the 26th of March (or would like a reason to be), get on board the Warburton Cycle Fest Road Race. A good mate of mine is organising it and I reckon he'll do a ripper job.

Patrick Warburton says, 'DO IT!'

Stats are: 113km for A & B grades, 98km for C grade, 83 km for Women & D grade and a Junior race of 53 km. Start time is 12 pm for A grade: 12:05pm for C grade: 12:10 for B grade: 12:15pm for Women’s & D grade. Juniors will start at 12:20 pm. You need a licence to race but you can get one on the day.
Registration/walk-up entries taken from: 11am, @ Wesburn Oval. Entries close: 11.45am. Race starts from Wesburn Park.

Ride happy
LJ

Out of action

2011-03-11T15:45:00.000+11:00

Apologies guys for the lack of posting lately. My house is without Internet for the moment, and I'm still working out how to post by iPhone. I've got loads of good ideas for posts though so hang in there and I'll make it worth your while. Oceania champs next week- having some patella problems which is frustrating but not the end of the world. I hear the road race is pancake flat too. Oh to be a sprinter...

Ride happy this weekend folks

Tour of NZ: The Get-Fit-In-4-Days Plan

2011-03-03T22:18:00.001+11:00

The camera-shy Jayco-VIS team (in some cultures, looking directly into the camera lens means death)

In my uni days (before I was a proper athlete), I had a special training program that was called the Get-Fit-In-4-Days Plan. It doesn't need much explanation. Most people have tried some variant of the GFI4D Plan at some stage in their lives (a popular cousin is the Get Fit In 1 Day Plan, which happens across Melbourne about a week before the Around The Bay In A Day).

This year, the Get-Fit-In-4-Days plan came back into my program in the form of the Tour of New Zealand, a UCI 2.2, 5-day tour which featured teams like HTC-Highroad and the Australian, Chinese, Japanese and NZ national teams. Last year, this was a breakthrough tour for me and I finished 5th on GC. This year, I was riding the tour as a 'test' after a very frustrating period of injury and rehab. Essentially, I was just hoping to make time cut each day. I had physio permission to ride 3 stages, then assess how my quad was going before deciding whether to start the following day.

Supercoach gives us a pep talk

All frivolity aside, this tour was an unbelievably hard way to get fit, and I owe a lot to the VIS who have supported me throughout my rehab and put no expectations or pressure on me for results. I also owe a big thanks to my teammates who were happy to have me along despite my being about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Oh, and sick. The Jayco-VIS team consisted of:

Jo 'GC Contender' Hogan
Vicki 'International Superstar Ring-In' Whitelaw
Kendelle 'Sprint Queen' Hodges
Lisa 'Team Leper' Jacobs

and was led by Donna 'Supercoach' Rae-Szalinski, with Bob 'The Builder' Farley on mechanics and Sarah 'Super Soignny' Roy as team soigneur. It was an awesome crew. Jo 'Excuse me' Hogan raced like a champ and finished 7th on GC; Vicki 'Wiki Wiki' Whitelaw played the ultimate super domestique and finished 8th; and Kendelle 'Get IN MAH SPACE' Hodges almost walked away with the sprint jersey and a stage win. Respekt. For my part, I sweated spinal fluid for 3 days then came good enough on the 5th stage to bear a passing resemblance to a cyclist.

This must have been taken before the stage because I'm still standing (R)

My physical preparation for the tour was pretty limited due to my rehab and made harder by getting sick right before the race. Hence the 'Team Leper' tag. I won't go into details, but it involved getting a double-whammy cold and stomach virus 4 days before we were due to fly out, lots of time in the foetal position, getting sick during the race* and a course of antibiotics after the tour finish (see, now I'm just boasting). Tours seldom go to plan, but I don't remember coming up against a more challenging set of circumstances while racing.

The rest of the Jayco-VIS team, though, was AWESOME. The tour started well with with Jo 'Trolley Stealer' Hogan and Vicki 'Don't tell Dave I crashed' Whitelaw nabbing 4th and 5th in stage 1 and making Donna happy that she could be 4th car in the race convoy. Bob 'BAAAAAAA' Farley earned the attention of the commissaires for making like a prom queen and standing out the sun roof of the race car. Sarah 'Positive Circle' Roy rode ahead and beat the entire field to the finish line on the first day by an hour, only to be disqualified for starting an hour early and not being entered in the race. Then she did our washing and gave us all massages. All week. Kendelle put up with me being her roommate for the week and managed not to catch anything. And Donna bought me more salty treats than I could have dreamed of. It was awesome.

Jo was in awesome form and smashed everyone, including herself on stage 5

Vicki and Jo in action with Judith Arndt (yellow jersey and tour winner)

Play of the week goes to Bob 'Bob-san' Farley who at the end of the week comprehensively won the Oceania Pavlova Speed Eating Championships by several lengths against a quality field. He followed up his Oceania title with a win in the Pan-Asian Pavlova Eating marathon champs later that night against the entire Japanese cycling team.

Bob-san with his fans

Bob could not be contacted for comment but his spokesman stated that, 'Bob has been training for this his entire life. They said it couldn't be done, but I think Bob is living proof that you can eat more than half your bodyweight in meringue. If only the greater Wellington region hadn't run out of pavlova, we might have seen history that night.'

Finally, a very big shout out to Sarah 'Frickin YEAH' Roy for all her camera work. Stay tuned for some more of Roy's work when she launches her own site - I can't wait.

Happy birthday Roy!

*I won't tell you when but here's a hint: on stage 2 I came 62nd.

Tour of NZ report is coming!!

2011-03-02T19:58:00.000+11:00

Sorry for the delay guys - I am in the process of writing up a report on Tour of NZ and will put it up in the next few days. I'm speaking to a group at Wesley College tomorrow for International Women's Day and I'm busy preparing for it. It is coming - I promise!

In the meantime, in the spirit of NZ and all things Middle Earth, here's a photo of Frodo looking like Marianne Vos.

Ride Happy
Lisa

Heading to the Tour of Middle Earth

2011-02-18T15:25:00.001+11:00

Chief commissaires Frodo and Gandalf eagerly await our arrival in NZ

Well, it's official. Wendy, my uber-physio at the VIS, has given me clearance to ride for 3 stages of the Tour of NZ next week. Maybe even 4. It's going to be tough with such limited preparation but it's better than sitting on the sidelines being injured. I'm riding with the VIS team led by supercoach Donna Rae-Szalinski. I'm not sure how top secret the line up is but I can tell you that Jo Hogan and Kendelle Hodges are both in good form and raring to go. We fly out on Tuesday.

For updates during the race, follow me @LJridehappy on Twitter. Or wait a week and I'll write something here.

Gollum at race weight

New Ride Happy tees are here!

2011-02-15T22:00:00.002+11:00

St Mel has been busy creating some new Ride Happy tees. I reckon they look pretty awesome. There are 2 new designs. Click here to check out the St Mel store.

NEW! Lisa's Mum writes back

2011-02-11T15:27:00.001+11:00

This week, Lisa's Mum responds to another reader letter. Keep em coming! You can send them to her secretary at jacobs.lisa@gmail.com. And yes, this is a genuine letter.

Dear Lisa’s MumDo I need a whole new wardrobe now that I’ve purchased a fixie? Is there anything of my old life that I can hold onto?

Regards,

Budding Funkster

Dear Budding Funkster

Without knowing what your previous wardrobe looks like, I would say probably yes, unless you already own a skateboard helmet and spray-on jeans. I notice that you said ‘purchased’ a fixie, and not ‘built it up at my local bicycle collective using parts scavenged from dumpsters and vintage op shops’. From this I am guessing you will not require a woollen cardigan, playing cards in the spokes or impressive facial hair. Instead, you will need to expand your fedora collection and purchase an iPad, which you can use to upload songs from your latest favourite garage folk-rock band and send them to your sponsored Oxfam goat. If you wear glasses, make sure the frames are thick and square. If you don’t wear glasses, get some aviators. As for things from your old life… hold onto your health insurance.

Love and kisses,

Lisa’s Mum

Another budding funkster

Ged's quote of the week

2011-02-09T09:43:00.001+11:00

This quotable quote comes from Ged, a fellow legal eagle who overheard the following on Beach Road a few days ago. I loved it. Hope you do too:

30-something cyclist: “Do you notice those rims in cross wind?” [Referring to a bling set of Zipp 404s]

Other 30-something cyclist: “Not really. I mostly notice them when riding past store windows. In fact, I find that’s when they really come into their own.”

If there are guys with that kind of humour riding Beach Road, clearly I need to get down there more often.

Ride happy

Lisa's Mum replies!

2011-02-03T15:25:00.001+11:00

The $15,000 starter kit (paparazzi sold separately)

Well, Jerry's letter certainly did stir things up. Thanks to all who gave feedback, both good and bad. Lisa's Mum decided to take the bull by the horns and respond. Check it out.

Dear Confused,
I am glad you have solicited my counsel. Your letter has come at a fortuitous time, for February is pro bono month at my cycle-specific psychiatric practice, which means you will receive the benefit of my valuable services free of charge. If you had sent me your letter in January you would have been subject to considerable charges including disbursements for tea and mood-enhancing floral arrangements for my office.

The question of ‘what is a cyclist?’ is an existential conundrum that has plagued many a rider (including Thai performance monkeys). For what are we but spokes in the wheel of life, riding down the long road of human existence, sprinting for each traffic light milestone and hoping we don’t get punctures? Every bike rider searches for meaning from the moment they unscrew the lid of a new tub of chamois cream. Such is the intensity of a cyclist’s quest for meaning that the Italians actually pronounce ‘cyclist’ as ‘seek-list’. Those Euros are wise. But I digress.

Your café companions with their $15,000 starter kits should not be pigeon-holed as simply ‘cyclists’. Rather, they are part of the new breed of cyclo-philanthropists, whose mission is to support the livelihoods of bike shop owners everywhere. Operating under the guise of middle-aged corporate men who hate golf, cyclo-philanthropists relentlessly and determinedly seek out bike shop owners and persuade them to accept large quantities of money in exchange for bicycle-related goods. It does not matter what kind of goods they are, but to avoid suspicion the cyclo-philanthropists typically purchase high-end Euro race bikes (I have heard the case of one rookie C-P who with the best of intentions attempted to purchase $15,000 worth of puncture repair kits but he was turned away and forced to return to buy a super-record Colnago).

Cyclo-philanthropists operate by stealth and are driven by nothing more than the satisfaction of helping out a fellow human being. You think Bill Gates is generous – remember that he only has to go to Africa ONCE to part with $30million. Your local cyclo-philanthropist has to purchase at least 40 handmade race bikes and 20 pairs of Assos knicks to get even close to that amount.

Another cyclo-philanthropist at work

You are right to think that those HTC gentlemen were something other than cyclists. I suspect that they are part of that secret C-P brethren and were celebrating the purchase of a new car by their local bike shop owner. Incidentally, you can spot these cyclo-philanthropists by their secret handshake and the presence of a bento box on their top tube. I have heard that most also abide by the code of wearing exclusively sausage casing kit as you describe, although of course this is only hearsay.

I hope this sheds some light on the issue Jerry. As you say, Mrs HTC is definitely a cyclist. But those bastions of local industry in the HTC kits – so much more.

Much love,
Lisa’s Mum
PS - I can tell you're feeling a bit down. Here is a picture of Chris Hoy's legs to cheer you up.

Letter to Lisa's Mum - What is a cyclist and the $15,000 starter kit

2011-02-02T08:17:00.002+11:00

Lisa's Mum received the following letter from Jerry Castle. She'll compose a reply, but wanted to throw it open to her learned readership first. If you have any suggestions, please send them through to her.

Hello Lisa’s Mum,
I’m told by reputable sources that you are the expert on all cycling related matters. I’m hoping you can help me with a question that has been troubling me.

This may seem philosophical, perhaps a touch post-modern, but I’m struggling with the question, “what is a cyclist?”

I was happy with the answer, “someone or something (happy to include Thai performance monkeys) that rides a bike”, but a few recent events have made me question this logical position – the following one included.

Sitting in my favourite breakfast spot a few weeks ago, my bleary morning-eyes were assaulted by a gleaming 2010 HTC-Columbia kit stretched like a sausage casing over a 140kg beast. The owner of the kit was broadcasting his proud achievement of conquering sixty Beach Rd bitumen kilometres that very morning. At his table was a similarly HTC-Columbia clad heavy-weight, clearly the riding buddy (team mate?) of the above mentioned beast, and his wife, who was kitted up in Fluid gear (Anaconda’s cheap and cheerful private label).

I couldn’t help but eavesdrop on the conversation of the two HTC-Columbia team mates (their female companion sat quietly and read the paper). Come to think of it, I doubt it even qualified as eavesdropping; the conversation was for the public record – the café was their stage. Topics covered included performance on the days climbs (climbs on Beach Rd?), weight savings from switching to carbon wheels (perhaps more efficient to lose a few of those 140kg!) – you get the point.

I’ve seen this scene a thousand times before. I’m sure you have too, Lisa’s Mum. Fat dudes with expensive bikes proudly drinking coffee after a 20km roll on the flat. It’s never bothered me before, but it’s starting to itch a little.

Are these people cyclists? Or have they simply purchased the “$15,000 starter kit”?

I contend that they have bought the starter kit because they want to identify themselves as cyclists. They want to have a legitimate answer to the question, “so what do you do?” Having bought the starter kit I think they feel comfortable answering, “I’m a cyclist”.

While starter kits are familiar in plenty of other sub-cultures – skateboarding, emo kids, and members of the Fitzroyalty – the phenomenon is not universal. You don’t see 45 kg runts in muscle-singlets gathering en masse in the cafes, bragging about bench-pressing a 12 kg PB or discussing the optimal amino acid blend for mass gain. What is it about some sub-cultures that make them conducive to starter kits?

Perhaps I’m getting worked up over nothing. The saying “all the gear but no idea” has been used by those who think they are better than others in a particular sub-culture for a long time. But who is keeping score? We live in a world where it is possible to gain fame and become independently wealthy by being a socialite – you don’t need skill you just need to look the part.

Anyway… I’m rambling now. I’m not sure whether the HTC-Columbia team mates qualified as cyclists or not in my book. I’d like to say no, but I’d also like to think of myself as less elitist than that. I will say that I did enjoy watching their departure. While one of the heavy weights was mounting his carbon steed his wife bolted off into the distance on her practical flat-bar commuter bike. Mr HTC was left wrong-geared at the side of the road squealing, “wait up honey!”, as he struggled with the dual task of clipping in and changing down a few gears. Beaten by the task, Mr HTC eventually over-balanced, tumbling into the gutter. OK so this very last part is fiction – the rest is true.

I am happy to say that Mrs HTC qualified as a cyclist in my mind.

So Lisa’s Mum, what is a cyclist? I’m confused!

I hope you can offer some advice on this matter.

Rgds,
Jerry

Separation Anxiety

2011-02-01T16:53:00.000+11:00

I get very attached to my bikes. We all do. Whether they are a prize-winning race pony, a ‘project’ bike that you tinker on, or your weekday commuting companion, every bike has a special meaning for its owner.

I rode 2 awesome race machines courtesy of Fitzroy Revolution and when I moved to VIS I had to hand my babies back. Every time I go into the shop I have to go to say hello to them. They wag their little tails when I come up to pat their handlebars and when I leave they give me a look that breaks my heart. ‘We’ve shared so many good times,’ they say, ‘Is that worth NOTHING to you now? What are you riding now? Does it climb as fast as we did? I bet it doesn’t love you like we do.’

I wish I could keep those bikes forever. They have so many special memories for me.

Even my trusty Clydesdale commuter has a very special place in my heart. When I was a student it was the bike I’d ride on nights out, with a cheap bottle of red jammed into the bidon cage. We went to London together and used to fly across the city to work each day, tucked behind Ed the rower and his road bike. Back in Melbourne, it comes to work with me and loves sitting at cafes (although it always forgets its wallet when it’s time to pay the bill). Over the years, so many parts have worn down and been replaced that only the seat post and handlebars remain from the original… but it’s still the same bike to me.

A while ago, I put my hardtail mountain bike up for sale. It’s a great bike but I’ve decided I want to move on and get something with enough suspension that it will make even me ride smoothly. Or so I thought. I got a call today from someone wanting to buy it. He asked me a million questions and then told me that he was going to use it to commute to work. I told him that riding an XTR groupset with race wheels and tubeless knobblies might be overkill for a commuter bike. In response, he assured me he rode, for some of his route, on gravel paths. My heart sank. I couldn’t let that happen to my beautiful bike! But who am I to judge?

I don’t know whether I can let my bike go to a life of commuting. But maybe, if it’s like my commuter bike, it will get a special place in this guy’s heart too. I just hope he knows how to use tyre sealant…

Jersey selection for the recreational cyclist

2011-01-13T23:12:00.001+11:00

Lisa's Mum was very excited to receive a letter from a Ride Happy reader during the week. Actually, the letter was an email, and it wasn't actually addressed to Lisa's Mum, but it did concern cycling etiquette and so it fell well within her portfolio.

A Ride Happy reader, James, read my review in Bicycling Australia magazine of Vaude's new jersey where I wrote that 'No, it's not a trade team jersey, but really, trying to look like Thor Hushovd went out with the noughties.' James had the following comments: For 100% of cyclists I pass on my rides there is always the sideward glance, checking out the bike make/model and the kit the other is wearing, and they're all so judgemental! Why is this? And how should one go about choosing a jersey kit to wear? Is it a faux pas for recreational riders to wear "trade team" jerseys?

It's a brave cyclist who would wear this by choice

Lisa’s Mum is more than happy to share her wisdom on the subject of appropriate jersey selection. When Lisa’s Mum started cycling, she noticed that many cyclists seemed to look at her when she was riding, but she always assumed that this was because of her outstanding beauty and gloriously sculpted calves. On further reflection she noticed the practice extended to other cyclists who were not so beautiful. The following summer Lisa’s Mum commenced her PhD thesis entitled The pack mentality: Why cyclists love looking at themselves and each other. Mum's thesis concluded that cyclists share a significant percentage of their DNA with most domestic dog species. This is most noticeably observed at the greeting stage of social encounters, where, like dogs sniffing each others’ bottoms, cyclists will carefully observe a new specimen’s bicycle and kit before deciding whether they will become friends. Anthropologically speaking, Lisa’s Mum’s findings were a revelation. Some say the scientific community is not yet ready for such a radical challenge to the status quo. Others say she is an evolutionary genius on par with Charles Darwin. Mum prefers the latter school of thought and will not attend afternoon teas hosted by any of her detractors in the former camp.

How to choose your jersey
Given that your kit will play a crucial role in first impressions to other riders, it is important to project the right image. The first rule of jersey selection is to dress for the occasion, and choosing an appropriate jersey/bike combination is critical. For example, if you are riding a flat bar bike, a plain jersey/knicks combination is a practical yet stylish look. Plain kit is also appropriate for pro cyclists wishing to ride ‘under the radar’ out of season. Black is the preferred colour for those who ride under the radar because they are doped to the eyeballs.

Alternatively, if you are Cipo get yourself some wraparounds and a big stick for beating off the ladies

Jerseys that you have earned may be worn anytime. This includes Around The Bay in a Day, Amy Gillet Ride and Degani Kinglake Challenge jerseys. Wear them with pride and use them to start snappy conversations with other cute single riders. This also applies to world and national champion jerseys, although you are unlikely to need to use them to find hot cuties as you probably have one already.

Hot cuties: get in line

If you are riding quite quickly, you may upgrade to a club or shop kit, preferably in return for that shop giving you some love. Naturally, if you ride like a tool you should wear a RadioShack jersey. However, please note that there is nothing quite so stylish as a fast cyclist in a plain jersey.

Singlespeed riders should at all times observe Bylaw 3.5.2(a)(ii) of the Inner Melbourne Singlespeed Regulations, which states that every bottom atop a Brooks saddle must be clad in tweed print shorts.

Just your everyday commute in North Fitzroy

Fluoro jerseys and jackets are to be used for commuting only. Under no circumstances should fluoro be taken out on a bunch ride unless it is for practical joke purposes or you believe it will keep you alive. (Before you get upset, safety conscious readers, please let me emphasise that Lisa’s Mum firmly believes that a good fluoro commuting jacket is worth its weight in gold. Just not when you’re not commuting.)

A good rule of thumb is to ensure that the ratio of $ spent on kit vs $ spent on your bike remains approximately 1:10.

Trade team jerseys
Lisa’s Mum loves trade team jerseys but only on trade team riders. She once tried to wear a CSC trade team jersey but it was for a fancy dress party back in 2007 when Basso had just been busted and in the end it fell through because she couldn't organise a matching blood transfusion bag.*

As another rule of thumb, the better the trade team is, the more reasons there are that you should not be wearing their kit. If you must wear it (i.e. if you have been given it for a present by a well-meaning yet unschooled relative), please at least make sure the jerseys and knicks are from the same team. It goes without saying, however, that if you are extremely good at riding and can beat anyone over any distance, on any terrain, then you can wear what you like. Best combined with hairy legs, this really stirs up aspiring Euro pros. Other situations where wearing a trade team kit is acceptable are:

you are on the trade team
you own the trade team
your friend is on the trade team and gave you the jersey
you're an alcoholic Belgian cyclo-cross fan with a string of failed marriages and a penchant for pommes frites (in which case, bad lycra fashion is the least of your problems).

Eduard on his way to the pommes frites van

Under no circumstances should the following trade team jerseys be worn: Mapei, Jelly Belly, Aqua Sappone's zebra edition, Carrera's stretch denim kit circa 1990, Cipo's skeleton suit...and come to think of it, most of Cipo's other suits, too. Each was an aberration and everyone just wants to forget them.

Enough said

James, I hope this answers your question. If other readers have additional pearls of wisdom to share, Lisa's Mum would happily add them to her PhD thesis (appropriately referenced, of course).

Ride Happy

*This may have actually been me, not Lisa’s Mum.

The Ride Happy highlights of 2010

2010-12-29T14:26:00.000+11:00

One of my highlights of 2010

Another year has rolled around and it feels like only yesterday we were getting around in happy pants and bleached denim and listening to Bon Jovi. Or maybe that’s just me. 2010 has been a massive year for Ride Happy. In the spirit of nostalgia, here’s a look back at my highlights for the year. Feel free to add your own in the comments. Or even VOTE at the bottom of the article – it’s similar to the ‘like’ button on Facebook, where you kind of want to write a comment on someone’s status update but really can’t be bothered.

Hardest race
There are several contenders here. First is the road race at nationals in January, where the mercury nudged 47 deg, the roads melted and most of field didn’t finish. If it weren’t for Andy giving me icy bidons each lap, I would have been one of them. Next is the Baw Baw Classic in April, where we had rain, driving cross-winds, hail, then snow going up the steepest, most brutal climb in Australia. Should have packed a jacket. If anyone here did either of these races, RESPEKT. You are hardcore. But I think the gong goes to the Giro Donne – 10 days of racing through the toughest, most mountainous terrain around in the height of Summer. No rest day. Lots of gastrolyte. Full of Italians. I think that’s why they called it the hardest women’s tour in the world this year.

Happy days!

Best race
Undoubtedly Tour of New Zealand in February. This was a 5 day, 6 stage race where Donna the Supercoach had gotten me into amazing form and it all paid off. I now get to point at photos of Linda Villumsen, who recently podiumed at the world champs in the time trial, and say excitedly, ‘I beat her in a TT!’ But apart from being in shape, the tour was awesome because I had the best teammates ever and the team (Aust-NTID) all got along really well. Bron Ryan, Sarah Roy, Alex Carle, Bec Halliday and Laura Luxford – you guys rock. Someone now only has to say, ‘No.7 Special Fried Rice’ and I get the giggles. Sorry, that’s an in-joke. You’ll have to ask the girls. Or you could ask our team managers Ben Cook and Paul Larkin, who were equally awesome. I don’t know how you can plan a good team and leadership dynamic, but crikey if I could bottle that one I would.

Team Aust-NTID and red van

Nicest gesture during a race
At the Baw Baw Classic, I didn’t bring spares, thinking we had neutral service. We didn’t. In steps Sean ‘The Man’ Hurley, who offered me his spare wheels and went without himself. This is in a 100km point-to-point road race. Luckily, neither of us punctured. When I asked The Man what he was going to do if he punctured and didn’t have spares, he said, ‘Are you kidding me? This is Baw Baw! Puncturing will be the best thing that could happen to me!’ What a star.

In Stage 7 of the Giro Donne, I was in a world of hurt going up some berg near Lake Como when 2010 world champion Bronzini offered me a can of Coke. I could have kissed her. Lucky I didn’t, because her girlfriend was in the group behind us and would have kicked my arse.

In a kermesse in Belgium – my first ever race with the national team – Lauren Kitchen moved to the front of the bunch to protect Spratty, who had just gone up the road in a break. A Belgie didn’t take kindly to Lauren being in her way and hit her and yelled at her in Flemish. I then saw Kirsty Broun ride up to the Belgie and say something which made the Belgie retreat immediately to the back of the pack. Later I found out that Kirsty had told her that Lauren was her teammate and if the Belgie dared do that again she would have to deal with Kirsty. That’s a mate.

Fun and games in Belgium

Best insult
‘You’re stupid’ – said by a 40 year old professional cyclist while tapping across the finish line 30 minutes down on the winner. Yes, Carlee Taylor, that is IRONIC.

Best soigneur
This is also a highly contested category. Beth Duryea @ AIS is pretty amazing, not least because she managed to get me into THAT skinsuit. She knows what everyone in the team likes and she operates by stealth, so the only clue you get is a pack of your favourite flavour gels in your bag, or your favourite cereal appearing in the breakfast box. However, first prize goes to the Lovely Andy who drives all over the countryside with me only stand by the side of the road in rain, hail or shine and wave a bidon. He even listens to my boring race debriefs, makes the right sounds and gives me hugs. In 2010 he has come into his own as an excellent mechanic and has shown a willingness to be paid in coffee and fruit toast. High 5!

Andy and his #1 fan

Quirkiest drug test
Two spring to mind. The first was at Tour of Canberra in April, where it took so long to process the athletes that by the end they took the blood sample from me by torchlight. My relationship with the ASADA chaperone could at best have been described as frosty. The second was in Italy at the Giro Donne where they were a little more relaxed with their protocols. In Australia, ASADA sit there and watch you take a whizz. In Italy, they give you a cup and point you to the toilet. No one spoke English and I probably should have thought twice before asking in mime whether they wanted to watch me pee.

Getting chaperoned, Italian style

High point
Getting selected in the Aussie team for a season in Europe. All my dreams.

Hope you have had an equally eventful year. The lows only make the highs higher.

Ride happy

Have a Ride Happy Christmas

2010-12-26T08:40:00.000+11:00

Just a quick post today to say that I hope everyone has had a Merry Christmas and a fantastic holiday break. I've got a week of fun in the high country to enjoy and perfect conditions for getting my leg back on track. I hope you've got similarly awesome things to look forward to.

Ride Happy!

It's REHAB time

2010-12-19T21:47:00.000+11:00

In a perfect world, cyclists would be able to ride and ride and never have to stop for annoying things like snow and fresh knicks. But this is not the Natural Order. There is, always, some limiting factor that will step in to make athletes slow down and take stock of things. For some (Euros), it's winter. For others, it's sickness. For me, it's biomechanics.

I believe that athletes fall into two basic groups when they train lots. There are those who get sick, and those who get injured. I rarely get sick. My immune system has just returned from awards night at the Golden Nodes, where it won Best Supporting Immune System in a Melbourne CBD Office Block. Suffice to say, it is awesome. Unfortunately, the same can't be said of my lumbar-pelvic stability.

I have had an incredibly frustrating few months of late. I got a mysterious hip injury in late Sept, which referred laterally into my knee. With some carefully managed physio and rehab from the good folks @VIS, we got it under control within a month. I was stoked: I had lost some time to prepare for nat champs in Jan, but not a critical amount. I was back on track.

Then, with no warning, I had a relapse in early November. Back to square one. More rehab, more physio, another ultrasound. First was the unpleasant realisation that my window to prepare for nationals had closed. Second, the frustration of not being able to ride. At all. And not knowing why. Third, the realisation that the deep-rooted biomechanical imbalances I'd worked so hard to correct over the past year were still there, and back with a vengeance.

So my last few weeks - or maybe months now - have been pretty subdued. Despite getting injured relatively often, it still amazes me every time how depressing injury can be. Past rehab, no matter how dilligently performed, attracts no karma. I'm lucky to have some amazing resources at my disposal - the VIS have pulled out all the stops - but it doesn't quite fill the void created when riding my bike was taken away.

I missed the Tour of Bright last weekend. It's my favourite race. Instead, I went to Bendigo and tried to play support crew for Andy who was racing an mtb enduro. I wasn't very good at it - as most athletes know, being around people racing when you can't is not very fun.

On the plus side, I am feeling a lot more relaxed now than I usually do this time of year, which for cyclists is the last month before nationals and the time when all the precious final touches are put on your form. I've even started to like rainy days (I KNOW, it's schadenfreude). And this weekend I went home to Adelaide for a Jacobs family Christmas and enjoyed all the pudding I could handle. What's more, I've tried all these cool new things since being injured that I haven't had time or reason to do when in full bike training. Water running, weights, massage, core work, pilates, paddling, jogging... I even got to make my christmas presents this year for the first time in ages.

I admit, I'd still prefer to be riding though...

Ride happy.

Things I don't understand about cycling

2010-12-02T21:40:00.000+11:00

I should start off by saying how cool it was to have some hate mail. I felt a little funny about it at first, but it was touching to see so many people coming to my defence. I still don't know who Anonymous is (I am assuming a triathlete but I am nothing if not open minded), but if you are still a reader, welcome back and feel free to leave more feedback, so long as you LEAVE YOUR NAME YOU WIMP. C'mon mate, have some guts behind your swagger.

another Anonymous cyclist

But back to more important things.

There are a LOT of things I don't understand about cycling. Having said that, I promised myself that this would be a short post, so please consider what follows as a highlights package. Please feel free to add your own suggestions as comments.

When they do track sprints, why don't they go hard from the gun? I'm aware this probably sounds stupid to a trackie, but really, WHY? I'm not sure who first came up with the idea of playing cat n mouse instead of going for it, but man, that must have taken some guts.
Why do boys never smile on the podium?
Why do people attack at the start of a race? Unless you're Emma Pooley and this is the Plouay World Cup, you're never going to stay away. Don't give me that 'exposure is good for the sponsors' line. Stupidity is bad for the sponsors.
Who made the unquestionably awesome decision that we always race for money? What other weekend sport lets you do that, other than poker?
If you have a race that involves skinny blokes racing up to 200km a day, up mountains and across countries, for 3 weeks at a time, at a pace that is faster than most people can ride for an hour, why are people surprised when some of them get busted for drugs?
Why don't time triallers get along with other time triallers?
Why do I climb so much faster when I'm 2kg lighter? It's not much of a difference compared to my overall body weight. Come to think of it, why do my scales consistently measure 2kg too much for most of the year?
Why is cycling a team sport but only 1 person gets the Olympic or world championship medal? If I could change one thing about the Olympics (and miniature dachshund harness racing was already on the fixture), it would be to give medals to the whole cycling team. This would also help out multiple generations of cyclists giving talks at their grandkids' show-and-tell who have to explain to a class of 5-year olds that grandpop drove himself into the ground, his friend got the medal instead of him, and he couldn't be happier.
Why, in the peleton, is it wrong to wear black socks, but fine to wear a teeny-tiny little hat that looks like it should have a propeller attached to it?
While we're on socks, what is with this obsession with long socks? The only time in my life I remember long socks being fashionable was at school when your legs were getting a bit prickly. Ladies, do you REALLY want your calves to look any bigger?

Get this man some long socks

No long socks required

Got an answer to any of these conundrums? Or do you have a conundrum of your own? Send it through to jacobs.lisa@gmail.com and I'll put Lisa's Mum on the case.

Ride happy.

A solution to magpie season: the RMD project

2010-11-25T22:33:00.003+11:00

The following dropped into my inbox earlier this week and I enjoyed it so much I had to share it. It’s proof that strategy consultants can solve just about anything. Here they tackle the classic problem of magpie attacks in Spring in just 3 Powerpoint slides. Jerry Castle is the genius behind it. Hope you laugh as much as I did.

If you are finding the writing a bit small, just click on the slide to enlarge. Take the time to read it... I promise your efforts will be rewarded!

It's here! By unpopular demand... Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes!

2010-11-22T21:31:00.000+11:00

Once upon a time, there was a poor cyclist called Ali Baba. Ali Baba had a bike made from pre-loved parts that he had salvaged from his neighbourhood environmental collective. The wheels squeaked, and it had only one gear, but it was a homely bike and got him safely to the organic sustainable fair-trade childrenswear shop where he worked, and home again, every day.

Ali Baba on his way to work

One day, Ali Baba decided to go home a new way and found himself lost in the middle of a big forest as it was getting dark. Ali Baba felt scared. Suddenly, he heard the unmistakeable squeak of unlubed chains and the clap clap of cyclists clicking out of their cleats 200m away. Ali Baba hid behind a tree and waited. Sure enough, soon a tribe of 40 lycra-clad blokes wearing tiny singlet bra tops appeared in the clearing. They all had expensive featherlight bikes with bottle-cages behind their saddles and aerobars pointed toward the sky.

‘Oh no,’ thought Ali Baba. ‘Those pretty boys will see my old bike and will know I am here. I am just a poor shopkeeper and cannot afford holidays in Noosa or GPS wristwatches. They will laugh at me.’

But Ali Baba’s bike was old and pre-loved and invisible to the eyes of the 40 triathletes, who could only see bikes made after 2008. The men got off their bikes.

‘Open sesame!’ one of the triathletes cried.

Ali Baba could not believe his eyes. In front of the triathletes, a big stone rolled away to reveal a cave of riches. There were deep dish wheels, and aero helmets, and little belts with room for gel bottles. There were weighted vests, and pool buoys, and elastic laces. In the corner, there was a row of Softrides, hanging on the wall gathering dust. Ali Baba had never seen such so much carbon.

The triathletes spoke to each other in a funny code that Ali Baba could not understand. They talked of thresholds, and zones, and nutrition plans. He felt sure they were terrorists and were plotting their next hit in a land they called ‘Kona’. What the hit was, Ali Baba did not know, but he knew whatever it was would involve something called a ‘negative split’ and lots of ‘bricks’. They referred constantly to their leader, a guy called ‘Training’. All the triathletes loved this Training guy and never stopped talking about him. Ali Baba felt very scared and hoped he never met Training. He sounded very demanding and not altogether productive.

The men shared protein shakes and then left, saying that they did not want to be late for Training. Ali Baba stayed hidden until they were gone, then leapt out and cried, ‘Open sesame!’ The stone rolled away and Ali Baba ran inside. He grabbed some power bands and creatine and stuffed them in his pockets and pulled on a shiny new pair of fluoro yellow racing flats. Ali Baba pedalled home as fast as his rattly old bike would take him, his head filled with thoughts of the treasures in the cave and the strange men in lycra.

Over the next few days, Ali Baba noticed a change in his behaviour. He liked his fluoro running shoes and found himself timing his rides into work. His powerband helped him sell more childrenswear than ever before. And the creatine... well, Ali Baba grew muscles he never knew he had. Pretty soon Ali Baba had changed his ebay username to slowtwitch9999 and had posted his old singlespeed for sale.

But it wasn’t enough. Ali Baba couldn’t get that cave out of his mind. All those treasures... it was too much. He had to have more.

The next day, Ali Baba rode back to the clearing with a plan and 3kg of Rohypnol.

‘Open sesame!’ he cried. The stone rolled away. Ali Baba danced inside. He gathered some bidons and filled them with food colouring, water and roofies. Then he walked outside the cave and waited.

Soon, Ali Baba heard the sound of grunts and unclipping. The triathletes had returned.

Not all of the triathletes unclipped in time

‘Good evening gentlemen,’ Ali Baba said, ‘I am a travelling salesman and I am peddling super-elite wares. This high performance drink has eleventy million vitamins and minerals and will improve your performance by over 11%.’

The triathletes looked at Ali Baba suspiciously. ‘I’m not sure,’ one said, ‘It looks a bit carb-heavy.’

‘It smells a bit funny,’ said another. ‘Say, where did you get those fluoro shoes?’

Ali Baba took a deep breath. ‘It’s very expensive,’ he said. ‘I guess it’d only be for the more serious competitors amongst you. But because you guys look nice, I’ll give you a free sample.’

‘I’ll take it!’ they shouted.

And so Ali Baba gave all his drink away and before long they were all out like a light, curled up on the ground in their compression pants. And Ali Baba backed up the large cart and donkey he had parked nearby and loaded into it all the treasures from the cave (except the softrides).

It was a lot for Donkey to handle

And later, Ali Baba opened an internet-based triathlon store and never had to sell childrenswear again.

The End.

Riding unhappy?

2010-11-22T11:36:00.000+11:00

Hi guys

I’ve just received a comment on Ride Happy which made me stop and think. I’ve reproduced the comment below to save everyone having to look it up (comments can be viewed by anyone, but you need to click on the link below the post):

Sounds like you're riding a bit unhappy there. I figure if people are out and about, cyclists, triathletes or what not, they are out and about, and riding their bikes. Why so much negativity if they're not as "euro" as you think people should be. How boring if we were all the same.

I’m not sure who made the comment, but it’s a valid one. My previous post was a bit snobbish and you were right to pull me up on it. I agree – whatever your poison, getting out and about on your bike is awesome and there should be more people doing it. If more people rode their bikes instead of driving we would all be better off. And yes, I would HATE it if we all rode Colnagos and didn’t get out of bed for less than 100km. I admit, I would prefer it if some people washed their bikes more often but honestly, if you saw my commuter bike you’d say the same to me. (But yes, that’s my snobbery again.) The fact is that this weekend was beautiful in Melbourne, sunny and still and perfect bike riding weather. I was stuck having coffee at a café by myself because I’ve just gotten injured again and on physio’s orders I couldn’t go ride with my mates. So instead of getting out and about I was moping around feeling sorry for myself. So I think I vented some of that cabin fever in my post. But that’s no excuse and I apologise to anyone I may have offended, whether you are a triathlete or not.

Having said that, I try hard to ensure that Ride Happy isn’t a skipping-through-the-daisy-fields plain vanilla type place. Life’s too short to take too seriously. Yes, I crossed the line from whimsical to cynical in my last post… but if we can’t laugh at ourselves what’s the fun of it all?

I’m still trying to decide whether to publish my Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes story. Perhaps it’s better left out. Happy to take comments though.

Ride happy – I’ll do my best to do the same!

Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes: Part 1

2010-11-21T22:23:00.001+11:00

I try not to make fun of triathletes. As Andy says, it’s like poking fun at retarded children. Also, I used to be one, and it seems hypocritical to take the mickey out of people for doing exactly what I thought was super-cool back in the day.* But then again, isn’t that what we all did with hypercolour t-shirts? And the Spice Girls?

Lisa’s Mum, however, has no such qualms. On Saturday, she was feeling extremely lively because I swapped her decaf coffee for regular without telling her and she was bouncing off the walls. We were parked at our local cafe and a swarm of walruses had descended, fresh from beach road and swapping stories about how carbon their gear was. They had taken up all the tables around us and were talking loudly and had stacked their filthy bikes against the window in front of us. We marvelled at the size of their saddle bags and wondered what treasures were hidden inside.

The sight prompted Lisa's Mum to tell me the story of Ali Baba and the 40 Triathletes. By the time she had finished my eyes were the size of dinner plates and my flat white had gotten cold (truly the sign of a compelling story). I'll recount the story here soon... stay tuned.

*Actually, I did duathlon, not triathlon, because I swim like a rock and I get no joy from people swimming on top of me in the ocean and kicking me in the face. I looked up to triathletes.

NEW Letter of the week! Lisa's Mum returns

2010-11-11T18:57:00.001+11:00

This week, Lisa's Mum was very excited to get a genuine letter in her mailbox! We all had scones to celebrate. Please keep them coming... just between you and me, Lisa's Mum needs all the mail she can get.

Dear Lisa’s Mum,
I’ve heard that you are a font of wisdom on legs and international cycling events. So I am writing to you to ask for some advice about bikes. I fancy myself as a jack-of-most-trades athlete. I can run, swim, bowl, kick and shoot….and I can ride. Boy can I ride.
So when it comes to buying a new bike, the decision is really important. I don’t want some run-of-the-mill bike which try-hard road warriors are riding. I want something that will really set me and my awesome skills apart.
What should I look for? Where should I go? And who are the people really in the know?
Signed,
Ego (is not a dirty word)

Dear Ego
To start with, let me just say how happy I was to receive your letter. There is nothing that gladdens my heart more than the thought of a gentleman like yourself joining the cycling community. My local bike shop mechanic coincidentally also needs a new car and a holiday to Bali, so I think he will be similarly pleased to hear of your desire to have the very best.
I have given great thought to your needs and the word that keeps coming to my mind is: hand made. Preferably by someone European, but from one of the nice European countries. My great friend Spiro knows someone whose uncle once played cards with the nephew of Eddie Merckx. This man makes beautiful bikes, which he crafts by candlelight in the basement of his tomato canning factory. He only works on his bikes on Saturday and Sunday mornings so that the frames are conditioned to perform on weekends, and when his birthday falls on a Saturday or Sunday he works anyway, and his tears fall on the frame and add a lovely gloss to the paintwork. And for an extra $1,000, he will give you 12 cogs at the back and etch 'even superer record' onto all the parts.
Not everyone can afford a bike like this, Ego, which makes it all the more important to have one. It may cost a bit, but like a wedding ring, you should really spend at least 2 months' salary to get the bike of your dreams.
Other things that are important in a new bike include knowing the weight of all its parts. Perhaps you can ask your friendly bike mechanic to provide a spreadsheet listing the weight and dimensions of every component. He will also be able to advise whether any part of your bike is available anywhere else in Australia (of course, the answer you are looking for is NO). The spreadsheet is also good opportunity to tailor your bike according to your needs. For example, if you will only be riding your bike once a week to the cafe, I would recommend you only purchase titanium bolts rather than the ivory ones, which I find durable but expensive. If you are planning to ride lots, it may be worth investing in wheels made from 2m x 2m blocks of carbon, which are chiselled down to create a single wheel. I find these wheels provide excellent stiffness when compared to lesser models made from more than one piece of carbon.
Good luck Ego! I look forward to purchasing your new bike off Ebay some day at a gloriously discounted price.
With love,
Lisa's Mum

Letter of the week to Lisa's Mum

2010-11-03T22:01:00.000+11:00

Dear Lisa's Mum,
I desperately seek your counsel. Yesterday, I was the victim of a traumatic incident. I was out riding and this cyclist came past me and almost sucked my helmet off. I chased for a while, then just as I was about to give up the cyclist turned around and it was a GIRL! I have never been passed by anyone before other than that guy at work who trains really hard and is going to race the Gatorade triathlon series in the Summer with other elite athletes. I am a happily married diesel mechanic with 4 children and I love steak and AC/DC, but this has compromised my manhood. What should I do?

Horrified,
Williamstown

Dear Horrified

I believe your experience is what is known in common parlance as ‘being chicked’. Don't be too hard on yourself. Some of my best friends are chicks, although I never let them ride with me because they half-wheel and have no respect for wicker baskets. My advice to you is that next time you feel in danger of being chicked, just feign a rear wheel puncture and pull over with a concerned look. If the chick offers to help, insist gallantly that she ride on, because changing a tube IS a man's job, after all. If the chick is a friend of yours, you can follow up later on with an explanation of the diabolical mechanical that prevented you ripping her legs off, which is, you can explain, what would have happened on any other day if only you hadn't punctured. For your convenience here is a picture I prepared earlier of that puncture you had. Man, it was a beauty. If only you hadn't got it at that crucial time.

This, I trust, will get you over the line. As for preserving your manhood though, I'd give serious thought to moving out of Williamstown. Full of hippies.
With love,
Lisa's Mum

Lisa's Mum provides thoughtful advice on most conundrums and moral dilemmas. Please address all correspondence to Lisa's Mum c/o jacobs.lisa@gmail.com.

Lisa's Mum interviews David Millar's legs

2010-10-19T18:21:00.001+11:00

Lisa’s Mum has been at it again. Fresh from supervising the CWA scone tent at the Royal Adelaide Show, Mum headed straight for the Chrono des Nations, where she caught up with David Millar’s legs enjoying a well-earned rest after setting a new course record for the TT. Please excuse any errors & omissions in the interview transcript, those legs sure do have a strong Scottish accent.

Lisa’s Mum: Mr Millar… um… Mr Legs… um, David. Sorry, what should I call you?

David Millar’s Legs: Well wee lassie, David has lots of names for us. Sometimes, we’re his Mortar & Pestle. Other times we’re his Bread & Butter. Lately he’s taken to calling us the Scottish Thighlands. But you can just call us DML, which incidentally is our rapping name, for when we pursue a career after cycling.

Lisa’s Mum: OK, DML it is. Now tell me, you’ve had a massive month. Gold at the Commonwealth Games in Delhi, 2nd at world champs, and now a new course record for Chrono des Nations. And a tidy 10th at the Vuelta time trial to boot. How are you feeling?

DML: Well, obviously, we’re happy. I mean, mostly happy. We’ve been able to deliver for David when he really needed us, so that’s good. But we’re a bit disappointed too. We rode our guts out for him and do you think we get any recognition? No! It’s all “preparation” and “discipline” and missing rear breaks and stumpy helmets. Where’s the “Well, I am happy to accept this win but it was my legs who really delivered today”?? How do you think 2 legs are going to share one gold medal? The problem with this sport is that there’s too much emphasis on the individual. No one cares about the team around him who brought him to the finish line first. We’re just cannon fodder to him.

Lisa’s Mum: Really? Do you think David doesn’t care about you? What about all those rubs?

DML: Oh yeah, we do get looked after. I mean, we are high performance animals after all. We get shaved regularly and once a month we get a little exfoliation. And sunscreen. Boy, do we get a lot of that. But all we’re asking for is that one day in cyclingnews.com they put up a picture of us, and not his face. What did his face ever do? It’s not even aero!

Lisa’s Mum: There must be other parts of David that contribute to the win. What about his heart? And his head?

DML: Lady, his head was the idiot who got him into all his doping trouble. Granted, it got him out of it too, but it’s got a lot of brownie points to make up yet. As for his heart, well, I guess it does do some work but it also gets to carry the medal at the end of the day, right? You put a picture in the news and there it is, front page centre. Such a media hussy.

Lisa’s Mum: So where to from here then? Do you have a nice end of season break lined up?

DML: Oh, do we ever! First we’re going to hit the beaches in Thailand. Then we’re heading to Scandinavia for some ice fishing. We want to do some volunteer work too, you know, to give back to the community. Maybe volunteer teaching in Africa.

Lisa’s Mum: Wow. Does David know about these plans?

DML: As if! David goes where we take him. And he owes us too, so he’d better be booking us business class seats.

Lisa’s Mum: DML, this has indeed been an illuminating interview. Thanks for your time.

TTop Day for Durbo and Pooley

2010-09-29T18:07:00.001+10:00

If you’re anything like me, you’ve spent today frantically re-booting the cyclingnews.com live feed on the U23 men’s and women’s time trial. I’ve been on the edge of my seat. When Luke Durbridge and Rohan Dennis were sitting 1-2 in the order I was so excited. Both spent this year as members of the Jayco Skins U23 AIS team in Europe (aka the gold medal factory). They are machines. I know Rohan from my SASI days but Durbo I met for the first time when I was over in Europe this year. He’s a fun guy. Both have already achieved so much on the bike – track and road – and it’s incredible to think they’re still getting better. Look out, world!

The women’s TT was awesome. Alex Rhodes, Shara Gillow and Vicki Whitelaw did us proud. Shara’s ride in particular was spectacular – 8th!

Emma Pooley (Gr Britain) dominated the TT and won her first world title by a fair margin. What a ride! Emma has had a great year and went into the TT as one of the favourites. To pull off such a commanding win under such enormous pressure and expectation is impressive. And she is a Top Chick, so you can’t help but be happy for her.

I can’t let her win pass without recounting to you my favourite Emma Pooley story. In stage 7 of the Giro Donne, which was one of the big mountain stages, I was climbing the second mountain pass of the day with a small group consisting of a couple of Italians, a couple of Dutchies and a crazy Russian who kept hammering it. We had been dropped by the lead climbers (including Pooley) but were ages ahead of the grupetto so we were just getting the day over with. The conditions were blisteringly hot and getting up the mountain was a chore. At the bottom of the climb, the crazy Russian snapped her chain and with no team car in sight we were down to 5. Around halfway up the mountain, one of the Italians turned to the other and blabbed something in Italian. I can’t understand Italian, so what I heard was, ‘blah blah blah Emma Pooley: do-di-do-di-do-di-do!’ and she pretended to tap up the mountain like she was frolicking in the park. It was hilarious – I almost fell off my bike. Some things don’t need a translator.

Enough of this computer re-booting – I’m off to Geelong! See you there. Ride happy

It's Not About The Blokes - Aussie women's team preview

2010-09-28T09:41:00.001+10:00

Hi guys, just a quickie from me but you’ll have to go to www.cyclingtipsblog.com for your Ride Happy fix today… I’ve done a guest post previewing the formidable Aussie women’s team for worlds. CyclingTips is one of my favourite cycling websites and Wade has some excellent behind the scenes Worlds articles so check them out if you get the chance.

P.S: Also, this is probably not news to regular readers but if you’ve just jumped on board, let me introduce you to regular columnist Lisa’s Mum. She’s controversial, she’s a loose cannon on the keyboard… and she IS NOT REAL. My poor Mum will never hear the end of it.

Lisa's Mum presents The Non-Cyclist's Guide To Cycling

2010-09-12T14:20:00.001+10:00

Wondering what all the fuss is about? (Cadel @ TDU 2010)
Today's post (I say this like I write them everyday...) is for a good mate of mine from college, Trupti. I caught up with Trupti and a handful of uni friends last night over dinner. My friends from college are some of my dearest - it's hard not to become close when you spend 3 or 4 years living with each other. Since leaving uni, though, it's been hard trying to keep in touch with everyone, especially my non-cycling friends. I seem to spend all of my spare time now riding, or thinking about riding, or trying not to think about riding. There just aren't enough hours in the week for drinking red wine and catching up with friends.

If there were more pubs with bike stands like these outside, I could combine the two

Anyway, last night I was chuffed to discover that Trupti was a Ride Happy reader. But some of the cycling lingo in my posts is just plain hard to follow for someone who isn't into racing. This was clearly a job for Lisa's Mum. I unlocked her from the cupboard under the stairs, put a cup of earl grey in her hands and set her to work. So here it is Trup - Lisa's Mum's guide to cycling lingo, especially for non-cyclists:
Classics: A type of one-day race in Europe in the Spring, usually combining rain, sleet, mud and cobblestones. Not in any way classical.
Tours / stage racing: A big race run over multiple days (or 'stages'). If you think of one day races as the racing equivalent of slamming your hand in a door, stage racing is when you take your hand out of the door, then put it back in and slam it again, over and over. The winner is the one who slams their hand fastest.
World cup: The highest level of racing, comprising a series of one-day races held over the year. The winner claims the title of world cup champion and the losers claim that they were never really targeting it, anyway.
Bleeding from your eyeballs / Scraping the bottom of the barrel of hurt / In the box: Essentially, you are f*cked. There's no other way to put it. Your lungs are probably screaming, but you can't hear it because the screaming from your legs is louder. You would sell your own grandmother to make the pain stop. I've tried.
Chewing stem / humping the top tube: Similar to above, but it's much more drawn out. Comes from the position of a cyclist's body towards the end of a race when they have absolutely nothing left in the tank. Bent over double, a spectator could be forgiven for thinking they were trying to unwrap the tape on their handlebars with their tongue.
Ergo: Something Melbourne cyclists do a lot of in the winter, involving a stationary bike trainer and an ipod. Not a lot of fun if you're doing it because the weather's too rubbish to ride outside. Hence the latin expression: cognito, ergo shit.
Intervals: A particular type of training exercise, often quite difficult, done multiple times in the vague hope that it will get easier. It doesn't. (See also In the box, above)
Soigneur: If you translate it from French, it means 'trainer', 'groomer' or 'one who cares for others'. Really this is because the French have no word for 'Team Mum'. The soigneur washes, cooks and cleans, picks up your dirty shoes and kisses your grazes when you fall off. Everyone knows that without them the team would fall apart, but no one wants to give them a public holiday once a year in May... because who would wash the bidons?
Form: Everyone wants it, you know when you've got it, but I'd be buggered if I could tell you how to find it.
Coach: Helps you find Form (see above). Also provides lifestyle, career and relationship advice, if you're lucky.
Race wheels / carbon clinchers / titanium bolts / Super Record: Things that will cost you a lot of money and a few awkward moments if you and your non-cycling partner share a bank account.
Getting ready for some hand-slammin' fun

Next week: Eur-wrap up #3 - Back To School

Until then... ride happy

Eur-wrap up Part II: The skinsuit

2010-08-27T16:08:00.003+10:00

If you thought time trialling was hard… try fitting into this!

Congratulations to Vicki Whitelaw for winning the time trial on stage 3 of the Trophee d’Or in France. Vicki’s win has inspired me to reflect upon time trials a bit more.

It takes a very special type of person to be a good time trialist. Apart from the power and the engine, you need a capacity to hurt yourself like nothing else. This takes a very special type of personality. Without going into specifics, it’s fair to say that if Australia were called into an Armageddon-style war, I’d want to have the time trialists in my battalion. I would put them in the front line and just when my men were floundering I’d yell, ‘Oi! HTFU* soldiers! You think this war is hard, try bleeding from your eyeballs as you push 400w for an hour!’ Then I would send in my time trialists and they would crush everyone and stop only for gels or to recharge their SRMs.

But now I have a whole new reason to respect time trialists: the skinsuits.

During the Giro we were kitted out in the latest Aussie team skinsuits. Technically, these things are at the cutting edge. They are the same as those which the track riders use and have different material for the sleeves, chest and legs depending on which bits need to be more aero. They are also TOITE. Tight is aero, you see. Very tight is very aero. By that logic, the aero factor of the Aussie skinsuits is off the frickin planet.

We were issued with our skinsuits at the beginning of the tour and I didn’t really feel the need to take mine out of its packaging before the time trial on stage 3. The night before the time trial, my roomie Kirsty Broun and I decided that a fashion parade was in order and we got kitted up, just to make sure everything was ok. Can you sense danger? I couldn’t.

The first warning I got was when I had trouble getting my suit on OVER MY CALF. That’s right, the bit that was meant to be snug around my quads was feeling pretty tight and I hadn’t even got it past my knee. Oh boy. It took a great deal of wriggling (picture a fish flapping around on the ground) to get the suit up to my waist, then over my shoulders. Getting the suit over my shoulders involved popping each of my shoulders out of its socket, rotating it outwards and jamming it into a sleeve the size of a baby’s sock. OK, maybe I’m exaggerating… but only about the popping bit. FINALLY, I got the suit on. Only problem was, the length of fabric that had been allowed for the torso was insufficient for my (apparently) Amazonian proportions by about 20cm. Instead of standing up properly, I had to hunch over like a gargoyle, my arms dangling in front of me like a T-Rex’s. Any more upright and I ran a very real risk of ripping the fabric in two.

I held out hope that I had been given Tiff Cromwell’s skinsuit by mistake, and that she was in her room floundering around in a much bigger skinsuit meant for me. But no. This is, apparently, how they’re meant to be. You’re not standing up straight on a bike, so the suit is designed to be skintight WHILE YOU ARE BENDING OVER. It gave me a startlingly accurate insight into what life will be like when I’m old and hunched over. When that happens, though, I don’t plan to wear a one-piece corset made of lycra.

Getting the skinsuit on pre-time trial the next day was a two-person job. I had to schedule in a booking with our soigneur Beth to lever me into the top half of my suit. It was also the first time I had to allocate a good 10 minutes of my time-trial warmup just to getting dressed. Did I go fast? Yes I did. Did I feel aero? Yes indeed. Will I ever, ever, fit into that suit again without the help of the indefatigable Beth? Probably not.

*HTFU is an acronym you may already know. H is for Harden and U is for Up. I will leave the rest to you. Incidentally, you will notice that in this war I have appointed myself to the position of general or commander-in-chief. My mum says I would be good in this role because I enjoy telling people what to do and I quite like the colour green, although not so much camouflage green. If I could change our armed forces’ colours to more of a froggy green I would probably consider the role more seriously.

Getting hard core in the off season

2010-08-20T18:17:00.000+10:00

Your body changes a bit in the off season

I’ve been back in Australia and my office desk for a bit over a month, and after some quality time away from my bici we have patched up our differences and are back together. So apologies for the blogging drought – I’ve been off doing other things.

Some of those things include getting settled in at the VIS. In the last 3 weeks I’ve seen their doctor, physio, strength & conditioning coach, physiologist, masseur and nutritionist. It’s nice to have the luxury of having some breathing space now before the next race target, which is nationals in early January. It means I can really get back to basics and iron out all those niggles I’ve been keeping under control during race season. Despite what the ID man at Liquorland says, I am getting OLD. And with the Melbourne weather being as charming as a slap in the face from a polar bear, now is a good time to get into the gym.

One of my favourite core strength activities is pilates. I was introduced to it last year when I got injured for 6 months. I had a very frustrating year in 2009 – I had some blinding form, and then I got injured for pretty much the entire racing season. All my mates were overseas doing amazing things and I was stuck at home feeling sorry for myself. Getting injured for that long is a real headcrack and there were 2 people in particular who really helped me through it. The first was Andrew Wynd, who now heads up Balwyn Sports & Physio Centre in Balwyn. The amount of time he put into my rehab was incredible. Wyndy has spent his fair share of time as an elite athlete himself and is now keeping busy managing everyone else's injuries at his clinic. If you have a sports injury, I really recommend giving him a shout.

The second was Marcus Speed at Perfect Pilates in Brunswick. Everyone has their favourites, but I think he is the best pilates instructor in Melbourne. It helps that he's a cyclist too! Marcus used to take the pilates classes at my old work gym and, when I couldn't do anything else except rehab exercises, twice a week I'd rock up to his classes. I started off pretty crap and inflexible, but slowly got better, and my pilates classes became the highlight of my week. Marcus went out of his way to give me help and encouragement and it really helped get me through a very difficult period of injury, mentally and physically. It's also improved my core stability no end, which is a big thing for a bike rider. I now count pilates as an essential building block for my training. When I went to Europe I missed it so much that I had to put in an emergency call to Marcus, who sent me a heap of 'pilates homework' to keep me going. Now that's service! Marcus has just invited me to be part of the Perfect Pilates family and this week I've been to a couple of his classes. If you want a good hard workout, try his Thursday 5:30pm sessions - if you can do all the exercises I'll send you a free St Mel Ride Happy t-shirt!

I’d like to say all this gym and core work is for self-fulfilment, but to be honest I’m motivated by a deep-rooted fear that I won’t be able to hold Jo Hogan’s wheel at our next training session. Man, she is GOING! I’m really looking forward to racing as a team with her and the other VIS chicks, Kendelle Hodges, Steph Hansen and Bridie O’Donnell. They are a top bunch of girls. We haven’t all been in the same place at the same time yet so I can’t wait to get out and have some good hard racing together.

Till then, ride happy

Gunz

Eur-wrap Up: Part I - The Local Rider

2010-08-04T20:37:00.002+10:00

It's been a couple of weeks since the Giro and the end of my first season of racing in Europe. There wasn't much time to unwind afterwards and within a couple of days of finishing the Giro I was back in the office in Melbourne, squirming in my powersuit and trying to remember how to put on make up. It's good to be back, and once I stop feeling like a steamroller has run over me, stalled, and then backed up for good measure, I'm sure I'll be itching to race again. But right now I'm still pinching myself that I was over there at all, and struggling to believe that it wasn't all a crazy, fun, exhausting dream.

I promised I'd write a wrap up of Europe and here it is. Or maybe we can call this Part I, because there are so many stories to tell that I can't fit them all here... and judging from my boyfriend's reaction to my 3-hour monologue, some of my stories aren't as exciting as I think they are. So maybe small installments is the way to go.

I've been meaning for a while now to share with you my story of the Local Rider. This makes me giggle just thinking about it, in the same way that you giggle when you remember the time when you walked out of that restaurant with toilet paper trailing out of your trousers.

During the Giro, there were a number of jerseys awarded - leader's jersey, mountains classification, sprinters' classification, young rider etc. Especially towards the start of the tour, I still couldn't recognise most of the famous riders, so the jerseys were quite useful in helping me know, for example, which one Marianne Vos was. But it was fair to say that I still had some trouble knowing some of the riders apart. So anyway, there we were in the middle of stage 2, and this GIANT of a rider comes near me in the peleton, wearing a hideous bright purple jersey. She's giggling, bumping into people, apologising, giggling again, and generally looking like a walrus in the pack. So I was looking at this rider, and the jersey, and trying to work out which team she was from. The jersey was pretty plain - just horrible and magenta, with 'Safi-Pasta' written on it. It reminded me of some of the jerseys I wore in my early cycling days, when I was too poor to buy a team replica jersey, and too crap to get a sponsored one. The knicks gave me no clue either, as they were just black with no team logos. They reminded me of the generic knicks they gave out in the Tour of New Zealand a couple of years ago to riders in composite teams.

Then I realised. This wasn't a team rider at all. This was a local rider, whom the organisers had allowed to ride in the Giro as a gesture of goodwill to the people of Italy. It had to be. How nice, I thought. Here is a local rider, doing her best to fit in maybe a ride a week down to the shops, whose dream it was to race in a big race but who would probably never have had the opportunity or talent to do it. And sure, she can't ride - I mean, there she was, bumping into people, knocking handlebars, laughing - but good on her for having a go. She is probably having the time of her life. I made a mental note not to go near her, and spent the rest of the stage thinking kind thoughts about the generous spirit of the race directors.

It wasn't until after the stage, when we were in the team car heading to the next hotel, when we started talking about some of the riders and the jerseys they were wearing. There was Ina Teutenberg in the leader's jersey, some chick in the mountains jersey (sorry, no disrespect intended, I just can't remember who you are), Marianne Vos in the young rider jersey, Kirsten Wild in the sprinters jersey.... Hang on, I said. Bronzini was in the Sprint Queen jersey. I saw her. It was blue.

Oh no, the girls said, Bronzini was in the blue jersey for the highest-placed Italian rider. The Sprint Queen was that awful purple jersey. Kirsten Wild was in it. You know, rides for Cervelo. One of the best sprinters in the world. Black knicks, bright purple jersey. Unbelievable rider. Coming second in the world cup standings. But boy, that's an ugly jersey.*

*PS - Congrats to Local Rider for winning the latest world cup in Sweden last week.

A post for Pete

2010-07-30T22:28:00.002+10:00

My Top Trumps card, taken from Cycling Podium's 6 Riders Who Blog

This post is for Pete Lockett, to keep him amused and out of trouble. Pete rescued me 2 years ago in his trusty Subaru when I came off my bike training one morning before work and broke my collarbone. It had been a rough morning. My training mate Jacqui and I had gotten up way too early in the Melbourne winter, and had braved the cold out to do our regular morning session on Kew Boulevard. 10 minutes into our ride we saw a dead cyclist. The ambulance guys told us that he had had heart failure while riding, and it was a fair shock to see the poor guy, still in his kit, on the side of the road.

The emminently sensible Jacqui decided that that was enough for one morning and headed home, while I decided to keep going. Half an hour later I hit something on the road, went over the handlebars and that was it. Andy was up in north-east Victoria at the time, so I called Jacqui to drive me to hospital. Jacqui's car was at the mechanic's, so it was Pete to the rescue. Those guys were amazing. They drove me to the hospital, told me jokes while I was in triage, nursed me through my morphine-induced haze and then drove me an hour away to Monash to get surgery. And they never once complained that I had made them late for work.

So it's fair to say that I owe Pete one. I owe him and Jacqui especially for fast-talking their way into securing me Melbourne's best shoulder surgeon, but that's another story. So when Pete sent a text reminding me that it had been a while between blog posts, I thought this might cheer him up.

Onto today's blog. The highlight of my day today, without doubt, was discovering that I have made a Top Trumps card. For those of you who do not live in the UK, just be assured that not only is this hilarious, this is A Great And Special Honour. Podium Cafe did a special 4 part series entitled 'Women's Cycling Top Trumps'. Each of the parts profiled 5 or 6 riders and put each of them on a mock trading card (this is the Top Trumps bit). I got a guernsey for their Riders Who Blog section. Check out their other parts, The Sprinty Types, National Champions, and their Best Of... section.

A big high-five to 'Pigeons' who posted the article. Pigeons, today you made the 2 years I spent as an overworked trainee lawyer in the UK all worthwhile, because it meant that now I know what a Top Trumps card is, and you gave me a great laugh today. I am also impressed by your extensive knowledge of my background and I shall view my neighbours with more suspicion now. I am not sure if you are in cahoots with the crazy Greek guy who lives in the block next door and peers at me through his curtains, but if you do can you get me some baklava?

Ride happy

I am wearing streamers at Nationals

2010-07-19T21:40:00.000+10:00

I received this communique on Saturday:

NOTICE OF 'MISJUDGEMENT'

Lisa Jacobs (#126) and Emma Mackie (#127) from Australia have been fined 100 Euro, 1x case of beer and the hummilation of starting the 2011 Road Race National Title with streamers attached to their bicycles.

This fine has occurred due to the actions of Kirsty Broun, Amanda Spratt and Carly Light..., who easily inhaled one balun pizza at Della Monte Pizza resturant on the evening of July 16. Photographic evidence was obtained and will be sent shortly. Along with the photos of the rich chocolate, pear and pistacchio birthday cake that was then eaten upon return to Castronno.

Sorry to inform you of this news,

Regards,
Chief Commisaires; Carlee Taylor, Lauren Kitchen and Shara Gillow

I think the photos say it all. The girls definitely earned their win- RESPEKT! And, just to rub it in, they followed it up with cake afterwards! Impressif.

As well as the Ballun pictures, I also found some other pictures of the girls, taken post-Ballun Challenge:
I'll see you at nationals. At least, you'll see me, and Mackie...

Eat happy

The Wager

2010-07-15T22:10:00.001+10:00

The Great Ballun Pizza Challenge of 2010

I've just arrived back in Melbourne, and I am due back at work tomorrow. I've got Donna's permission to lie low for a few weeks, and the only exercise I plan to do this weekend is some cross-country skiing up at Lake Mountain in Vic. I'll write a Euro wrap-up soon, but for the moment I'm looking forward to having a complete break from the bike.

I could not, however, let this week go past without a mention of The Wager. The night before I left for Australia, all the girls went out for pizza at Della Monte restaurant in Varese, to celebrate the end of the Giro. Della Monte is famous for its 'Ballun' pizzas (see above), and I have attempted 3 times now to finish one off. That night marked my 3rd attempt. I had been confident, after 10 days of racing the Giro, that a Ballun would be no match for me. I may or may not have expressed this confidence to the other girls. I was wrong.

The girls did not let this failure go unnoticed. In fact, I think the whole restaurant heard all about it. To cut a long story short, a gauntlet was thrown down and The Great Ballun Challenge of 2010 was born.

The challenge is thus:
Madames Kirsty Broun, Amanda Spratt and Carly Light will attend Della Monte Pizza Restaurant at some date before the end of July 2010 (This date has been set as Sunday July 18);
Each will order and receive one Ballun pizza;
Each must consume said Ballun wholly, without interference or assistance from each other or any third party. There is no time limit for eating;
If all 3 girls successfully finish their Ballun, they will receive, from Emma Mackie and myself
1x case of beer
100 euro
and will have the pleasure of seeing Mackie and I ride the 2011 road nationals with streamers attached to our handlebars.
If K.Bru, Spratty and Barky fail to complete their Balluns, it's reversed - i.e Mackie and I get 100E + a case of beer, and they have to put streamers on their bikes at nationals.
The trash-talking has started, and both teams are confident of winning. I have to say, I thought we were pretty safe until I saw that crazy look in Spratty's eyes. Now I'm not so sure. Either way, I'm disappointed to be missing the action - although I'm confident Chief Commissaires Carlee Taylor, Lauren Kitchen and Shara Gillow will oversee proceedings in our absence. It's not about the money, it's not about the beer, it's not even about the pizza... it's all about the streamers.

Stay tuned for results... or just rock up to Buninyong in January and see who's wearing the streamers.

Ride happy

Giro Donne - what really happened in stage 10

2010-07-12T16:24:00.001+10:00

So I have just seen the stage report from yesterday's stage 10. It was so hilarious I had to share it. Check out this report from CJ Farquharson (http://www.womenscycling.net/) who was one of the moto photographers following the race. CJ's Italian is much better than mine and she managed to work out what the circus was all about:

What was expected to be a procession, turned out to be a race of immense activity and attacks. A number of teams wanted to win the final stage and launched attack after attack to try to break up the race and gain an advantage. Evelyn Stevens (HTC Columbia) was the most successful of the breaks. Stevens gained almost one minute advantage before being pulled back in. It was as the race started the last 10km that it got really interesting. The roundabout just before the 10km to go sign was incorrectly marked and sent the leading Police, cars and eventually the whole peloton ahead instead of left. While the race headed towards a housing estate and dead end, Lisa Jacobs (Australia) and Lusia Tamaini (ASC Chirio Forna D' Asolo) who had dropped back to get support from their team cars, correctly turned left and headed fore the finish.
There was a complete panic from the police and organisers to get the race back on track and the two lone riders were stopped before they could reach the finish. They were held and waited for the leading group to go by before joining the back of the peloton.

And this:

Photo courtesy cyclingnews.com

The peloton detoured from the parcours with around 10 km to go. Lisa Jacobs (Australia) and Irene Falorni (Vaiono) were behind the main group when they took the wrong turn and became the leaders on the road. With spirit of fair play, the pair stopped and took their rightful position despite technically being permitted to continue.

We've all had a good laugh here imagining the scene if the police had let us ride on. We were a good 10 minutes ahead of the bunch and even pedalling squares we probably would have won had we kept riding.
CJ is also being very generous in her report - she is right that we would have waited anyway, but I have to admit I had no idea what was going on at the time. But Macca, look, I got in a breakaway!

Giro Donne - well, we knocked the bastard off

2010-07-12T03:32:00.000+10:00

The team at Livigno, smiling because we hadn't yet seen the 42 switchbacks to Stelvio

The Giro is over and crikey, we are wiped out. I have never been this written off, ever. We are now back at the team base and contemplating big issues like how many gelatis we could put away this evening.

Stage 10 today was on like Donkey Kong. 112km of very fast action and my legs just didn't work. I knew what I needed to do - it was be on the front and cover moves - but I just couldn't get up. Couldn't. The 5% gradients turned into bergs of Baw-Baw like proportions. How do these girls do this? I got dropped with 30km to go, then hitched a lift from a sympathetic policeman on a motorbike (for future reference, the flashing police lights that stick out on the back of the moto do not withstand the force of a desperate cyclist hanging on at 50kph), then stuck with an Italian rider in a similar predicament. Suddenly, we reached a police roadblock and were flagged down. Lots of Italian shouting and gesticulating. The word 'casino' was bandied around. Circus. What the? We were told to wait. I had no idea what was going on, but we were assured by the policeman that the race organisers had stopped the clock, and the bunch would be coming past in 10 minutes. We were to wait for them and then join back into the bunch. What the...?

As it turned out, the bunch had been inadvertently sent down a dead-end street and was made to wait for 10 minutes while the organisers sorted out where they were supposed to be going. They u-bolted, then came back past our way. Casino indeed. I didn't know this - I was busy wondering whether I would be allowed to finish, or whether my Giro had just ended, unglamorously, outside a petrol station somewhere near Monza. But I tacked on all the same, and then promptly got dropped again with 3km to go. But I got to finish.

So I've finished the Giro and in 2 days I fly back to Melbourne. In 3 days I will be back in my corporate suit, sitting in the office and contemplating Risk & Compliance issues for Australian lawyers. In 5 days I will see Andy again. No prizes for guessing which I am looking forward to most.

Giro Donne- stage 9

2010-07-11T19:40:00.000+10:00

Stage 9, up Stelvio, I had nothing. No legs, no energy, and rapidly no will to live. The pace was on early and there were 2 significant climbs before we hit Stelvio.

There is something calming about having absolutely nothing left. It's not about position, it's not about missing opportunities, it's not about not eating or drinking enough. There just comes a point where your body has hit its limit.

I was disappointed that my limit came before Stelvio, so that I couldn't really see what climbing it at max effort was like. But climbing it in grupetto was pretty boring.

Stelvio is quite spectacular- 42 switchbacks over 23km or so. You pass the treeline, then you pass the cowline (a few hundred metres above the treeline), then you pass the snowline. At almost 2800m above sea level it's the highest pass in Italy.

Today is the final stage- some circuits of the Monza F1 racing circuit in Milano followed by a jaunt around Milano itself. 112km in all.

Giro Donne- Stage 8

2010-07-10T01:50:00.001+10:00
Day 8 of the Giro and what we are losing in energy, we are gaining in altitude. Today's stage wound through Switzerland, past St Moritz and finished in Livigno. The last time I came through these parts was when I did a ski marathon 3 years ago. It was awesome to come back in the Summer, and even better to think that way back when I last came here, I would never have predicted that I would be here 3 years later, riding for Australia in the Giro d'Italia.

Today's stage was 90km of almost pure climbing. My day started well and on the first climb I was in the lead group of ~30 with Shara and Tiff. After yesterday I was keen to have a good stage and my legs felt good. Unfortunately, Tiff's legs weren't feeling the same way and I was called back to help her. I was more than happy to- that's what teammates are for!- but it effectively meant my day was over. On the plus side, it did mean I could enjoy the beautiful scenery a bit more!

I particularly liked seeing the Swiss cows along the route, tinkling the bells around their necks whenever they moved. I figure those cows have a pretty good life, living in the Alps with those views. But I'm glad I'm not a Swiss cow, because I would sure get sick of the constant ringing in my ears. And I'd probably have to learn German.

Tomorrow is the last mountain stage- a summit finish up the Stelvio. At almost 3000m it's going to be one big day in the saddle.

Giro Donne - stage 7

2010-07-09T06:00:00.000+10:00

The view from our hotel

Today was the first of the grand mountain stages in the Giro, which made it an inopportune day for me to have no legs. But that's bike racing. The stage started in Como and hit a 12km climb early before descending, winding around Lake Como, climbing up the second mountain (Ghisello, home of the Madonna del Ghisello which I wrote about before) and heading to the finish. Because the first 15km leading into the first climb were narrow and quite hilly too, it was on like Donkey Kong from the start. USA got to the front and drove it, and no matter how much I screamed at my legs, they just didn't behave and I ended up in a piano group of 5. Some parts of it were quite cool, like when the ambulance drove up to our group on the climb and gave us some ice cold water and a can of coke. Problem was, there was only 1 bottle of water and 1can of coke, so we were passing it around from rider to rider, each savouring a couple of mouthfuls. I had just assumed I would miss out, until Bronzini (ex world champ on the track) passed me the can and immediately became my favourite person in the world. Happiness is a can of coke on a mountain climb in the summer.

Also in my group was a lady from Fenix who kept going to the front and driving it. I have no idea why. Our day was clearly over, but she just kept wanting to bridge the 15 minute gap to the leaders. I asked her whether she spoke English, so I could find out what she was thinking, but she said no. I assumed she was a hack who had no idea how to ride piano. Later I found out she was a former world champion on the road, which may have explained those little rainbow loops on her kit. And she was Russian, which may have explained the rest.

Shara, Tiff and Carlee all had good days, hurrah! Tomorrow we ride to Livigno, which means around 90km of almost pure climbing. And with that, I am off to bed.

Ride happy.

Giro Donne- stage 6

2010-07-08T05:30:00.001+10:00
Today's stage was special for the Aussies because it went through Castronno, the home town of the AIS cycling base. For a few brief exciting moments we thought the intermediate sprint fell right outside the house, but it turned out that it didn't. Even so, though, it was very cool to race through our training roads and to hear some familiar voices on the side of the road cheering (thanks to Elsa, Dave and the junior men's Aussie team who lined the road!).

The route was 116km through some fairly hilly territory, starting in Gallarate and finishing in Arcisate. Lauren Kitchen made the EB (Early Break) her own, winning the intermediate sprint and pushing out the gap to over 2mins for over 60km. If she keeps this up she's going to have to copyright that move- 2 days in a row now.

The Aussies did well, with 4 of us finishing in the top bunch of 25- Carlee Taylor, Shara Gillow, Tiffany Cromwell and myself. The group contained all the GC hopefuls so it was good for so many of the team to be in it, esp Shara, Carlee and Tiff who are all now top 20 on GC leading into the mtns.

I was happy to have a better day on the bike than yesterday. It was also good to be there to help our GC riders on the final circuit around Arcisate. Those girls have looked after me a lot on the road and it's good to feel I can give something back.

Tomorrow we hit the first of 3 mountain stages, around Lake Como. Stage 8 takes us up to Livigno (last time I visited Livigno I had skis on), then stage 9 goes up the infamous Stelvio pass.

Giro Donne - stage 5

2010-07-07T03:29:00.000+10:00

Photo courtesy of CJ Farquharson @ womenscycling.net

Today's stage was a 122km jaunt around Lake Orta, which is definitely one of the most beautiful places I've ridden around. I'd love to go back one day when I am not sweating spinal fluid or sucking in the big ones in between mouthfuls of gel. Which is what happened today. The stage was our first foray into hilly territory, and all the hill climbers and GC riders in the bunch were itching to stretch their legs after 4 days of flat stages.

I sucked today. I say that modestly. To borrow a term I learned while I was over here, I blew like a porn star. After being dropped from the lead bunch, my day was over when the group I was in called 'piano' (Italian for 'go slow'), which basically means the group has declared their racing for the day to be over and soft pedals to the finish, way behind the lead group. Rookies like me do not call piano. This honour is generally given to the more senior members of the group, which in my case was an elderly looking Italian rider who then chose to yell at me for daring to ride next to her up the final climb to the finish. 'You're stupid,' she told me. I wanted to reply that I wasn't stupid, that stupid was doing this for a living when you're 35, but we have 5 days of racing still to go and I didn't want to make enemies. Particularly not enemies of people like her who had clearly been around a while and probably had mafia cronies waiting in the wings. Instead, I asked her whether she was afraid. My teammate Emma Mackie and I spent the rest of the stage comparing which one of us was cramping up more (OH_THE_PAIN) and then, just before the finish line, Em grabbed the cranky Italian and pushed her over the line first ahead of us, so that she would get her wish of not being passed on the final climb. I hadn't laughed so much all day. Em is a star.

Tiff, Shara and Carlee all did well today. Lauren went on a solo break at the start and blew the gap out to over a minute at one point. Vai Australia!

Stage 3 ITT photo courtesy of CJ Farquharson @ womenscycling.net

I forgot to mention in yesterday's post a couple of things from stages 3 + 4. First, our TT skinsuits (as seen above at the TT start). These are new high-tech additions to the Cycling Australia armoury. We used the same suits as they use for the track team, and they are so tight you actually need a helper to help get them on. When I put mine on (or, to be more accurate, when Beth levered me into it), I couldn't actually stand upright because it was so tight (or 'aero', as we like to call it). Apparently this is a good thing - when you are on the bike you are hunched over, so to minimise drag the suit needs to be skintight in that position. Oh boy. I have huge empathy for all those ladies in Victorian England who endured corsets for all those years in the name of beauty. I now know how you feel.

Post stage 4 doping control. Photo courtesy of CJ Farquharson @ womenscycling.net

The othe thing I forgot to mention was that the highlight of yesterday's stage 4 was the protest at the start by the local worker's union. A local factory had closed down and the union decided the best way to get media attention was to protest on our start line. Our start was delayed by 30 mins, which was hot and annoying but quite entertaining (once we worked out what was going on) and gave us a chance to hide Emma Pooley's race bike while she went to the toilet. Hehehe.

There are some more CJ Farquharson pics at http://www.carnegiecycling.com.au/ - check them out. Or see http://www.womenscycling.net/ for pics of the rest of the race.

Ride Happy

Giro Donne- stages 3+4

2010-07-06T01:40:00.000+10:00

Almost halfway through!

Stage 3 yesterday was a 16.9km TT on a pancake flat course. I always look forward to time trials about as much as I used to look forward to exams at uni. At uni I had what I used to call my 'cleaning lady' moment, which would generally occur as I left home for the exam hall. I'd look at the cleaning ladies working away in the college grounds and wish I were one of them. They never had exams. Life was good for a cleaning lady in November. Whenever I came back from my exam, though, I'd see the same ladies, toiling away to clean up the filth left by 300 20-year-olds, and think, man, I'm so glad I'm not a cleaning lady.

Now that I don't have exams to do, I tend to have my cleaning lady moments before time trials. Yesterday was no exception. People call time trials the 'race of truth' but I reckon it's just time triallers who like to say that. The rest of us just suffer and try not to get too much spit on the handlebars.

I was happy with my TT, the more so because it was such a flat course, which suited me about as much as budgie smugglers suit Tony Abbott. I was 28th (out of 156 Giro starters), and given we are riding with so many of the world's best, I am stoked. Tiff Cromwell and Shara Gillow smoked it in at 22nd and 23rd respectively, which puts them in good GC position and bodes well for the team leading into the mountain stages (both Tiff and Shara eat hard mtn climbs for breakfast).

Ina Teutenberg won - again. That girl is a certified freakshow.

Stage 4 today was 94km of sprinters' delight (flat), ending in a bunch kick. After the stage I had the privilege of being drug tested, which I took as a great compliment.

Tomorrow the tour starts hitting some hills- it's playtime!

If you have any good luck left in your kitties, please send them to Sharon Laws, TE's other peleton representative in the Giro. Sharon broke her collarbone in stage 2's epic pile up. Hopefully this will mark the end of her bad luck run and tour des hospitals. Get well soon mate.

Ride happy

Giro Donne - Stages 1 & 2

2010-07-04T03:12:00.000+10:00

Raring to go!

We have just finished stage 2 of the Giro and WOW. Today, especially, was epic (but more on that later).

Stage 1 was 58km from Trieste to somewhere 58km away (ok, so I could check the race book, but before you start calling me lazy, why don't you look it up on the race website? THERE. Not so important now, is it?). Trieste is right next to the Slovenian border so the race hotel was actually in Slovenia. This caused a few problems in that no one in the team knew how to say 'thank you' in Slovenian. In the end we just said 'Get a dog up ya!' with a smile and no one seemed to mind.

The course comprised 4 laps of a circuit around Trieste and the Pasta Zara factory, then a short transition to the finish town where we did another 3 laps of the finishing circuit. It was pretty flat and came down to a bunch sprint, won by Ina Yoko Teutenberg of HTC Columbia. Kirsty Broun, our star sprinter, was first Aussie at 11th. The first stage of any tour is always dicey - everyone is nervous, GC hasn't settled, people are twitchy - and the finishing circuit yesterday was diabolical. Crashes, near misses, hairpin bends and, for Vicki Whitelaw, a missing front wheel around 400m from the finish. As I passed Vicki she was picking herself off the road and retrieving her wheel. Characteristically tough, when we ran into her the next day she just said, 'Yeah, it's the first time I've lost a wheel... literally. Guess they ARE quick release!' Man, I've said it before but bike riders are TOUGH.

My race yesterday was a bit frustrating. I had good position going into the finishing circuit, but couldn't hold it and when the hammer went down with 2 laps to go I was caught too far back and copped all the whiplash from the crashes and near misses. I needed to be at the front to support Kirsty going into the final sprint but just couldn't get up. It's these sorts of situations that really show how much of a difference experience makes in the peleton. I guess that is what I am here for, but it is frustrating all the same.

Today's 2nd stage was 130km, the longest stage of the tour. Today was an eventful day for the Aussies. It came down to a bunch sprint and 500m from the finish there was a massive pile-up, involving most of the sprinters and their lead-outs. Kirsty was in an awesome position and had Emma Mackie and Tiff Cromwell looking after her, and they all hit the deck. They are OK - no broken bones, but will be pretty sore and sorry tomorrow. I haven't heard about the rest of the casualties from other teams yet. Then, to make matters worse, our soigneur Beth was involved in a car accident on the way to race finish and ended up in hospital. She is back at the hotel and also OK, although we suspect the car is a write-off. So it was a subdued team this arvo - hopefully we have gotten all our bad luck out of the way in one hit.

Not much else to report - the temperatures have been HOT - 37deg today - which has made hydration a challenge but nothing a bunch of hardened Aussies can't handle. The food has been good so far - although I am told after 10 days the novelty of having pasta 3 meals a day will wear off. Speaking of which, I had better go, because it's dinner time. I started cramping up today towards the end in the heat, which means tonight I have a golden excuse to eat even more salt! Mmmmm.

Tomorrow is the TT. Nico, our mechanic, has decked us out in some awesome TT rigs, I am EXCITED!

Ride Happy
Gunz

Giro Donne!

2010-07-01T20:04:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow marks the start of the Giro d'Italia Donne, the women's version of the tour of Italy. This year it is being talked up as the hardest women's tour in the world for 2010. Looking at the course profile, I can see why... A mountain-top finish on the Stelvio, the day after a stage finish in Livigno (a town so high up in the mountains that it has duty-free shopping, no kidding)... And more.

The Giro runs for 10 stages, over 10 days. No rest day (they are for wimps and men). Team Australia comprises Emma Mackie, Tiff Cromwell, Shara Gillow, Kirsty Broun, Lauren Kitchen, Carlee Taylor and myself.

I'll do my best to keep you posted.

Lisa's Mum previews Le Tour de France

2010-06-27T21:06:00.001+10:00

El Diablo gets a better view by sitting on Lisa's Mum's shoulders

Lisa's Mum has been hiding in my hand luggage since I got to Europe, and now is the time to dust her off and get her back in action. It's not that she was intentionally hiding; it's just that the summer wardrobe that she'd packed for Italy had consisted solely of bikinis and coconut oil and up until now it's been too cold to leave the apartment. But now that Summer is here (a bold statement, given that we are on day #4 of sunshine and have only just stopped building the Ark), so is Lisa's Mum.

It is less than a week until the Tour de France, and Mum is already getting her Le Tour fantasy tipping team in order and has pitched her tent on the Col du Tourmalet. She is also currently interviewing for the position of Lance Armstrong's new girlfriend. Applicants must be one or more of the following: (a) supermodel; (b) rock star; (c) blonde; (d) willing to wait on the side of roads for indefinite periods during race season. Ability to flash dazzling smile and withstand constant references to Texas an advantage. (Cyclists, career women and ladies over 5ft4 need not apply)

Mum has received lots of fan mail asking for her tips for Le Tour. This has come as no surprise to her; after all, she is practically a member of the SBS commentary team (tbc) and is internationally recognised as Alphington's (postcode: 3078) foremost authority on all things cycling. So here, it is, Mum's top tips for the 2010 TdF:
Brad Wiggins, Britain's Great White Hope, will issue a press release at the start of stage 17, warning the British public that despite hundreds of newspaper clippings to the contrary, he may in fact not win the Tour. Wiggins will explain that, whilst the ₤40m budget of Team Sky does buy a lot of skinsuits, no amount of money can ever teach an Englishman how to survive in 30deg weather for 23 days straight
Team Garmin will issue a press release immediately following Wiggins', in which the phrases 'sucked in Sky' and 'we didn't want you anyway, you pasty white Brit' feature prominently
The suspicion surrounding motorized doping will build after Fabian Cancellara is spotted filling up his bike at a petrol station before the prologue
A chink in Contador's armour is exposed when the Spaniard suffers a severe allergic reaction to the cobblestones in stage 3. At least, that's what he claims the epi-pen in his back pocket is for. Contador will be relying on Oscar Pereiro to be his faithful domestique on the pavé, but will discover too late that Pereiro only agreed to be on his team because Contador is the only rider who calls him Oscar and not 'that guy who sort of won the Tour in 2006'
Mark Cavendish will win the sprint stages graciously, smile adoringly at the media and afterwards attribute all his successes to teammate André Griepel whom, Cav explains, insisted on giving Cav his place as HTC-Columbia's team sprinter, no matter how hard Cav tried to convince him otherwise*
Lance Armstrong will not win, but will use the Tour as a platform to launch his new fragrance, restaurant franchise and music video. The release of the music video will be delayed until after the Tour as edtors scramble to dub over the bit about him winning the Tour 8 times
The Tour organisers will introduce a new classification, the maillot vieux, awarded to the highest placed GC rider who is also a qualified pensioner. It will be a closely-fought battle between top contendors Armstrong (38), Robbie McEwen (38) and Jens Voigt (38), although Hincapie (37) will be in with a strong chance on the basis of his first name being George. Yaroslav Popovych may not look young on paper, but after 30 years of living in Ukraine his complexion more than qualifies him as an outside chance
*HAHAHAHA that one was just to keep you on your toes... Lisa's Mum promises that Cav will be just as obnoxious as ever

Stay tuned for more top tips from Lisa's Mum... right now she is off to find the SBS team hotel (left off the email list AGAIN, one would almost think it was deliberate)

Keitho to the rescue

2010-06-24T06:17:00.000+10:00

When I got to Italy I thought I was pretty prepared, but there were a couple of things I ran out of time to get before I went. One of them was a pair of compression tights. (These are super tight-tights that help clear lactic from your legs so you can recover from racing and hard sessions faster.) Nah, she'll be right, I thought... those things will be EVERYWHERE. How hard can it be?

Quite hard, evidently. We started travelling almost as soon as I arrived and I learned that people in Belgium and rural north-east France don't seem to have a pressing need for hardcore recovery garments... or maybe that was just in the medieval French village we stayed at at the top of that mountain. Boiled sweets and baguettes, yes, but tights - absolument pas.

When we got back to Italy for some training before the Spanish world cup and Giro del Trentino, I was struck by the vaguely amusing irony of needing recovery tights so bad, but being too written off from training to summon the energy to take the train into Varese to find some. When I did go, I found nothing. (This was a very painful and disappointing day; I have tried to block it out but my therapist says it's good for me to talk about these things)

It's hard to smile when your legs have been ripped off by 50 of the peleton's finest

So then I went online to order some... but the spectacularly random operation that is Italian customs decrees that every fourth item that passes through its doors will be seized and detained pending completion of a four page dissertation in Italian ('customs declaration') and a bag of silver pennies ('import tax') - and even then, release of your package is not guaranteed. My relaxation soaps and pretty tissues that my Mum sent over 4 weeks ago are still in their hands. But I digress.

Enter Keith Falconer, my knight in shining lycra. Keitho works at 2XU in Melbourne and he and his girls FedExed over a pair of 2XU's finest, pronto. What a legend. And they are niiiiiice! Compression wear is part and parcel of recovery for athletes now, and trust me, I need all the help I can get. I owe a big thanks and an even bigger coffee back in Melbourne to Keitho. It's pretty awesome that 2XU are getting behind athletes like this. Not all of us are Olympic champions or celebrity football players but we're all working bloody hard and it's really nice to get a hand from time to time.

If you drop into the 2XU store on Burwood Rd in Melbourne, say hi to Keitho for me, and give him a high five for being such a star. And check out 2XU's range of compression and cycle wear - I would wear it all if I could afford to! And if you are in the market for some recovery pants, I highly recommend these ones, although I do have to warn that it'll mean you'll have one less excuse why you didn't win...

Ride happy

Giro del Torrential Downpours

2010-06-21T06:42:00.001+10:00

We've just arrived back home to the AIS base in Varese after a very soggy Giro del Trentino. We got everything - hot weather for the first stage, lightning and rivers running across the road on the second stage, and cold+wet on the third. We are all feeling a bit cheated by the wet weather... I was promised mid-30s and heatstroke by now!! Having said that, Summer in Europe officially starts tomorrow, so I am anticipating waking up to sunny skies and mid-30deg temps from hereon in.

More sunny skies, fewer muddy training rides like these I say

The team put in a strong show for the tour but some bad luck on the first stage put paid to GC hopes. Our GC rider, Vicki Whitelaw, is in stomping form but was unlucky enough to have 2 crashes early on stage 1, the second needing a bike change and some emergency mechanicals. Emma Pooley (Cervelo) won the tour, leading from start to finish after a 3 min solo win on the first stage. This was the stage with the 50km climb... where Emma showed why she is considered the best climber in the world at the moment. She has some pretty good teammates too!!

TE's reps in the women's pro peleton

Stage 2 came down to a bunch finish and our sprinter Megan Dunn was in good position for the win before someone took out her front wheel in the final few hundred metres.

Carlee, Megan and I laughing about what we were planning to do to that chick who took out Megan's wheel in the sprint

The race course itself was very cool and would have been awesome in good weather - some big climbs through the Dolomites, switchback descents and winding through mountain-lined valleys. Locals came out to cheer us on (no matter how far down we were) and we had police escorts and an army of marshalls making sure no cars got on the race course.

On the start line for stage 2

Not much more to report - I haven't seen tour results, but eventually they will probably be posted on the race website.

I do, though, have some pics... enjoy!

Pre-race prep

Race car (with spare bikes on roof) is ready to go!

Stage 3's start was at a chateau

Summer in Italy (thunder + lightning not shown)

View from the chateau pre stage 3

The response Beth received when she offered around the last nutella roll

Giro de Trentino

2010-06-17T05:33:00.000+10:00

Memorial on the top of the Ghisallo pass, next to the church of the Madonna del Ghisallo

Our next race starts Friday - the Giro de Trentino, a 3 day tour in Italy. To say that it is a hill-climber's delight is understating the case. Would you believe stage 1 has a 50km climb in it? Or that stage 3 has a 25km climb? I can't even picture what a 50km climb looks like. Crazy town. We are driving down Friday morning in time for race start at 2pm. I'm excited and nervous. The Aussie team comprises:
Tiffany 'Most Elegant' Cromwell
Carlee 'Girl from Ipanema' Taylor
Shara 'I spent a week on the ergo, and it wasn't even broken' Gillow
Megan 'This bike has gears?' Dunn
Vicki 'We'll give her back, Lotto, we promise' Whitelaw
and myself.
The tour should be good prep for the Giro d'Italia Donne, our big kahuna which starts in 2 weeks. To celebrate, today we did a course reconnaissance of stage 7, which starts in Como (rumours that George Clooney is firing the starter's pistol from his Summer villa on the lake are unconfirmed), and winds around the lake before hitting 2 big climbs. It will be one of the decisive stages of the Giro, as it will be the first super-hilly stage and, just for laughs, it is followed by 2 more uber-mountain stages in stages 8 and 9, including the Stelvio on stage 9. Hopefully the snow will be gone from the top by then... Either way, it will be an epic few days.

One of the highlights of our car trip this arvo (apart from the imitations of French D.Ss on race radio and the near miss with the lorry) was our visit to the Madonna del Ghisallo, a church dedicated to cyclists on the very top of the Ghisallo pass (which is the second of the 2 mountain passes on stage 7).

The church of the Madonna del Ghisallo
The church is one of the most famous cycling landmarks in Italy and, going inside, you could see why. The walls are covered with Italian world champion jerseys, bikes, medals, photos and memorabilia from throughout the 20th century.

The wall above the entrance

Bikes lined the walls (we now know where to find a spare race bike if we find ourselves short during the Giro)

Pilgrims from Australia
Visiting the church reminded me again of how cool it is to be racing in a country where cycling is such a big part of the national identity. I guess this is how swimmers in Australia feel.

I'm looking forward to the Giro del Trentino. I had a pretty crap tour in Spain and it will be good to put that behind me. It is a massive learning curve being here and racing at this level, and learning can be hard sometimes! I am also suffering a bit from coffee deprivation...part of an ambitious (if poorly thought-out) plan to de-caf before race day. I haven't had a coffee in 3 days and I have almost cracked. In fact, I may yet crack, as I still need to get through tomorrow. I have also just learned that the race hotel is nextdoor to an Illy cafe. Well, when in Rome...

Here's hoping for some sunny and rain-free days! We sure could use some... the last couple of training rides here in Varese have been WET.

Ride Happy
Gunz

Iurretta-Emakumeen Tour (Spain, UCI 2.1)

2010-06-11T19:27:00.000+10:00

Yesterday was a tough day on the bike. It was stage 1 of Iurretta-Emakumeen, a 4-day, 5 stage tour in Spain’s Basque region. Although it’s a region which sees very little rain, we have managed to find 4 consecutive days of rubbish weather in which to race the tour. I’m not sure whether it’s the smoothness of the roads, or the build-up of oil and dirt on them, but I have never raced roads so slippery. It’s like riding on a road covered entirely with white line paint.
Stage 1 of the tour was 88km, which sounded easy until the weather + road conditions came to the party. You know that things are sketchy when even the Nicole Cookes and Marianne Voses in the peleton are going 12kph around corners. I think everyone had a hard time finding reasons why they were doing this sport yesterday. One of the Great Britain riders summed it up perfectly for me: ‘I quit cycling around 10 times during that race!’ To add to the mix, the first stage of a tour is always edgy, with people jostling for position and anxious to set up a good GC position for the rest of the tour.

Yesterday Rachel Neylan had some bad luck and came down hard. Luckily she hasn’t broken any bones but did have some internal bleeding which meant a night in hospital, some surgery and a few hours in intensive care. She is hopefully coming out of hospital today. Rachel had a great race in Durango-Duarango 2 days ago and finished 10th in a top class field. Our thoughts and best wishes are with Rach for a speedy recovery.

This kind of racing really makes me respect all the seasoned pro riders, who race in all conditions, all year, and train in the snow and ice when they are home in the winter. Bike races are rarely cancelled due to the weather. A favourite saying amongst cyclists is ‘Harden The F* Up’. Crikey, if some of these chicks were any harder I’d be mistaking them for day-old Italian bread.
This period in Spain is a big racing block – with the world cup, Durango-Durango (1 day race) and the tour, we will have been racing 7 times in 8 days. Between mouthfuls of pasta I’m trying to remind myself that it is all good prep for the women’s Giro d’Italia which runs for 10 days in early July.

Stage 2 begins at 3:30pm this arvo – 114km including some gnarly cols. And I am… you guessed it, rider #13. To follow tradition I’ve switched one of my numbers upside down. I’ve been waiting ages to do this, woohoo!

Ride happy.

GP Ciudad de Valladolid - World Cup #6

2010-06-08T07:05:00.000+10:00

When I was little, I had a security blanket that I took everywhere with me. It was yellow with satin ribbon edging, and whenever I was feeling a little unsure about things I would stroke the satin against my cheek and everything would be alright. Over time, the satin ribboning wore away, and even after Mum sewed another layer on for me, that layer also wore through, as more and more uncertainty crept into my world.

Let me tell you, if I had had my blanket on the start line of the Vallidolid world cup yesterday, Mum could not have sewed on satin fast enough to keep up with demand. I was sh*tting myself.

The course was, to borrow a phrase from the race organisers' profile map, 'deceptively rolling'. What is 'deceptively rolling'? Is it that it looks flat, but is really rolling... or does it look rolling, but in fact is flat? Expect the unexpected, I guessed. Which funnily enough was what ran through my head as I picked myself out of a grassy ditch at the 96km mark. It all started innocently enough... the 50kph neutral start, the massive sea of helmets converging and separating, the squeak of carbon race pads and shouts of 'oooh, aye!' every few kilometres. I was a bit starstruck seeing all these famous riders up close, not only seeing them but racing against them. (Actually, to be completely honest all my starstruck-edness was retrospective; the only riders I recognised were those wearing rainbow stripes or the world cup leader's jersey... everyone looks the same in lycra.)
Race poster... enough to make me break out in a sweat
Our team comprised Tiffany Cromwell, Carlee Taylor, Rachel Neylan, Amanda Spratt and myself. The day beforehand we had flown into Valladolid and been greeted by a bleary-eyed Marv who had been driving for 2 days with Macca, Beth, Michael and Laura from Italy. We went to our hotel, had a slap-up meal and went to team presentations in the city square, which involved all the teams being called up and presented to the public.

Vallodolid central, where team prezzos were held

Team Australia

The race itself was an experience. Tiff and Spratty were our annointed breakaway bandits, with Carlee, Rachel and I charged with the responsiblity of covering moves in the first 85km. At the pointy end of the race, Carlee, Tiff and Spratty all finished in the front bunch after launching a nunber of attacks in the final few kilometres. Va Australia! You can get the full results here; I won't replicate the report. For me, lady luck was not smiling yesterday. I got my front spoke broken at 96km by an overzealous competitor and while waiting for a wheel change on the edge of the road (so...approx 5 secs) I inexplicably got rammed from behind by a group of 4-5 girls travelling at full tilt. No idea how but there you go, and it wasn't pretty. I was the only one who got up, which messed with my head a bit. After chasing through the convoy of team cars for a while, and knowing I wouldn't get back on, I caught the grupetto and finished the race.

Tomorrow is Durango-Durango, a 1-day race in the Basque region of north-east Spain. Hills, hills and more hills.We are here for the next week or so as we have a 4 day tour here beginning on Thurs.

The last pic I'll leave you with (on the left) was taken the night before we left for Spain. It's a beautiful sunset, as seen from the window of our apartment at the AIS base.
Enjoy the view!

Getting ready for the world cup

2010-06-04T20:57:00.000+10:00

Tomorrow we are flying to Spain for what will be my first world cup. I feel excited just writing that! The Aussie team comprises myself, Amanda Spratt, Carlee Taylor, Rachel Neylan and Tiffany Cromwell. Shara unluckily will be chained to the ergo back in Varese as her wrist heals.
Yesterday's session was pretty epic and fair smashed me. I seem to be saying that a lot lately. We did a bit over 4hrs, incl some hill sprints followed by a race up a 6km climb, followed by some motorpacing. In Marv's words, 'If you thought the motorpacing on Tuesday was hard then this will be brutal.' I was happy with my climbing, but unfortunately when we crossed into Switzerland for the motorpacing, my legs got held up by border control and failed to make it. You know you've had a hard session when you find yourself taking your empty gel packets out of your pocket and sucking them again just in case you missed anything the first time.

My mental image for the last hour of our session

As soon as we got back from training, we had to wash our bikes ready for Spain. Us riders get the luxury of travelling by plane on Saturday; our coaches and staff set off yesterday (Thurs) arvo for the 2-day drive. We are looked after very well! Then it was lunch, some stretching, then time for our Italian lesson. Ariana, our Italian teacher, holds regular lessons at the AIS base which are, especially in my case, much needed to avoid sounding like an American tourist. We focus on vocab that we're likely to need out on the bike. My second lesson involved learning sentences like, 'I have broken my [insert name of bone]', 'How long must I stay in a cast?' and 'I need to go get a gelati'. Hopefully we will use the last one more than the first two.

Today is another recovery day, which meant an early ergo, skype chat with Donna the supercoach, then straight to our local cafe for a caffeine hit.
Me, Carlee and Spratty enduring another hectic morning at Bar Cavour

I feel I should mention at this point that, despite photographic evidence to the contrary, we do not spend every day sitting around at Bar Cavore. It's just that I don't take my camera on training days because it would get ruined in my sweaty back pocket. Having said that, we have ridden through such spectacular scenery in the last week that I think I will have to pack it next time, sweaty back pocket or not.

Our racing in Spain involves the world cup on Sunday, then a rest day, then a one day race, rest day then 3 day tour. We'll be there for 10 days in all, which is a lot of tapas time. The world cup looks pretty flat, which isn't great for us but I think Marv has a cunning plan.

I will try to keep you posted on the racing in Spain.

Ride Happy
Gunz

Recovery day

2010-06-03T06:21:00.000+10:00
Today was another recovery day, earned only after 4hrs of hill work yesterday. We spent some time in Switzerland during the ride, but to be honest I was eating handlebar behind Marv's scooter at the time so my memories of the country are not rosy. We also did some cool hills work and tomorrow we're going back to one of them and racing up it.

The only riding I did today was to the local cafe for a cappuccino and brioche con miele on the strict advice of VIS coach Scott McGrory (I tried to get a brioche con crema Scott but they didn't have them!). It was awesome.

Some bad news is that Shara is now in plaster after a suspected scaphoid break during our ride yesterday. Hopefully she will be back riding in 10 days. In the meantime she gets to spend the next 10 days doing ergo in the basement in Italy while we go to Spain... without our best climber. Get well soon Shaz.

To cheer Shara up, I have posted some dachshund pictures below. Actually, I just found them then and thought they were funny, but hopefully they will help you get better too Shara. This is what the dachshunds of Milan are wearing this season. Pics taken from Annie's Sweat Shop... Yes, these are genuine hoodies you can buy online for your weiner friend. Have you ever seen a dachshund laugh? Not in these hoodies you haven't.

Velcro is a good substitute for buttons when you don't have opposable thumbs
Even though Harald and Jeremy were a modern couple, it was clear who was the more feminine of the two

Miss Daisy deemed it time for a drive

Balloon pizzas in Varese

2010-05-31T21:20:00.000+10:00

OK, as promised... some food porn from Varese. Carlee, Lauren, Spratty and I went to our favourite pizza place in Varese last night to celebrate Lauren's last night before she heads home to Australia for a break. Spratty and I were on a mission to sample the retaurant's famous 'balloon' pizzas, which are like calzone but swelled up with air in the cooking process so that they are the size of a basketball when they come out. Inside is mozzarella, ricotta, ham, olives and an egg. It was delicious... not something I could eat often if I want to stay a hill climber but I could definitely smash another one soon.

In the masterchef spirit we judged the balloons 9.5 out of 10, with half a point deducted because they were not served by an Adonis-like waiter called Giordano who arrived on a golden chariot pulled by unicorns. But other than that it was pretty good.

Before...

...and after
I am not a quitter but this Ballun hit me for 6 and I had to lay down the knife and fork after a solid 40 minutes of trying. Good thing we did so much riding yesterday or I'd never have made it that far.

Thanks

2010-05-30T23:48:00.000+10:00

Just a quick post as today's session has again left me barely able to remember my own name. I wanted to say thanks to all the people who have written comments and followed Ride Happy - it always makes my day to see a comment (apart from those offering Viagra or Nigerian bank scams)... and I realised I haven't really replied to say thanks. Sometimes I feel that blogs are a bit self-indulgent, so when I find out that Ride Happy is entertaining people other than myself, it relieves my conscience a bit.

We are going into Varese tonight for balloon pizzas (just for you Jonno L)... a big treat. Stay tuned for some pics, these things have to be seen to be believed.

Ride happy
Gunz

Training week back in Varese

2010-05-29T06:28:00.000+10:00

Since arriving back at the AIS base after our adventures in France and Belgium, we've had a couple of recovery days and then a couple of big days on the bike. We really enjoyed our day off on Tuesday, the day after Ronde de Bourgogne - 1hr of easy riding followed by much longer sitting at the cafe having lunch and coffees in the sunshine. It's a tough life, this cycling business. But when Macca and Marv told us that we would be having Wednesday off as well, well, that got us suspicious.

Our suspicions were justified when our training program for the rest of the week was posted on the office door on Wednesday arvo. 2 days later we found ourselves flat out on the couch, unable to rouse the energy to walk further than the fridge. What happened? Where did the last 2 days go? I remember something to do with double sessions, hill attack efforts and Marv using the phrases '4hrs with mountain passes' and 'world of pain' far too close together for my liking. I feel like I am reliving my uni years at college, only this time the person passed out on the floor is me and I'm not even hungover.

What happened was this: Thursday: 1.5hrs ergo in the morning, with 20 sprint intervals. Shower. Eat. Stretch. Coffee. 2.5hrs on the bike in the arvo with 4 power hill climbs (try racing up a hill when you have to stay under 60rpm). Shower. Eat. Stretch. Bed. Friday: 3hrs in the rain climbing up Basso, a col nearby that Ivan Basso cuts his teeth on. No wonder he's so damn fast. Motorpace. SE. Home. Change. 1hr ergo with 2x15 min SE efforts. Shower. Stretch. Eat. Eat. Eat. I normally don't write about training sessions here, but this time I'm just damned impressed we made it through. Kirsty and Lauren had wisely skipped town and left Carlee, Shara, Spratty and I to fend for ourselves. Tomorrow is a recovery day (otherwise known as How-many-episodes-of-The-Wire-can-I-fit-into-a-day Day) and Sunday we do it all again. And, truth be told, it is damned fun.

This week in Varese has also given us time to spend on more important things in life, like raising our pet penguin, Iggy. My sister Cathy sent me a toy hatching egg from Australia. You put it in water and over a week or so it hatches and grows into a penguin. I think I can safely say that no hatching egg toy has ever received quite so much attention and care as Iggy... but I guess that's what happens when all you have to do all day is ride bikes.

...Did I mention important gelati research? Raising a penguin, riding bikes and eating gelati. It is a busy schedule.

That's it from me for now. Enjoy the Giro stage tomorrow - they go up the Stelvio, one of the notorious mountain climbs in Italy. We'll be tackling it in July at the Giro Donne.

Ride happy
Gunz

La Ronde de Bourgogne - allez Australie!

2010-05-26T15:12:00.000+10:00

Go Aussie go!

We've just returned to the AIS base in Varese after racing the Ronde de Bourgogne, a 2 day, 3 stage tour in France on Sun and Mon. It was a good tour for team Australia (comprising Amanda Spratt, Lauren Kitchen, Carlee Taylor, Kirsty Broun, Shara Gillow and myself). Lauren set the team up early with a 100km break (of 2 riders) in stage 1. The gap blew out to 8 minutes at one stage and the 2 stayed away to win the stage by almost 5 minutes. Lauren got pipped on the line in a photo finish, and ended up wearing the young rider's jersey, KOM jersey and sitting pretty at 2nd on GC with daylight 3rd.

The next morning was a TTT and it was tttough. Our aim was to bring back at least the 4 seconds needed for Lauren to claim the yellow jersey. Not satisfied that a TTT was hard enough on its own, we also rode it without TT bikes, aero bars, tt helmets, skinsuits... in fact any TT gear at all. With a strategy of aggression, we had 6 starters and 3 finishers, with 3 of us jettisoned during the 22km. Unfortunately, team Futuroscope (a French UCI team), who also had the yellow jersey in it, beat us by 10 secs. Given that Futuroscope was racing with the full aero ensemble (TT bikes, disc wheels, aero helmets, suits, shoe covers etc), we figured we had left their dignity intact by coming 2nd to them.

The 3rd and final stage saw us 14 secs down on the yellow jersey, with Spratty also now at 5th GC. Enter the kermesse, an 18-lap, 63km circuit, held 3 hrs after the team time trial. Carlee attacked early and Spratty bridged to her, forming a break of 5 riders. Kirsty, Shara and I did our best to shut down attacks from the bunch and protect Lauren. After 2 big stages, Spratty and Carlee rode like the wind to open up a 2 min gap over the bunch that was big enough for Spratty to move up to 3rd on GC. Spratty also won the stage and Carlee placed 3rd after launching well-timed attacks on the breakaway. This is Spratty's 2nd win in a week in Europe - both after early attacks. As I was sitting in the bunch trying not to fall off I thought that one day I'd like to be able to ride like that. (Incidentally, you can catch a pic of Spratty's Flying Kangaroo victory salute in Wallonia at http://www.cycling.org.au/)

So, all in all, the team ended up with 2nd and 3rd on GC, young rider's jersey (Lauren), KOM jersey (Lauren), sprint jersey (Spratty), teams classification win, and a 1st, 2x2nds and a 3rd in the stages.

Personally, I enjoyed the tour but was a bit disappointed with my legs (or lack thereof). I blew a lot of cookies on Friday night in the Race That Shall Not Be Named (ok, Le Bizet) and didn't recover in time for Sunday's tour start. It was disappointing because the first stage of the tour was hilly and if I had recovered properly I could have made a more valuable contribution to the team. As it was, I discovered that if you start a tour tired, you generally don't get any less tired, regardess of how much pasta you eat.

For the Ronde de Bourgogne we stayed in Flavigny, a medieval town on top of a hill. It was a pretty stunning setting and all the buildings looked straight out of a history book (or, in Nico's words, straight out of Murder She Wrote). To our surprise we found that someone had spray painted 'Go Aussie' and 'Australia forever' on the stage 1 roads. Cycling is much more a part of European culture than in Australia and all along the route we had locals cheering us - even a group of monks working in a field all stopped and cheered as we rode past. I wish cyclists received that kind of reception in Australia.
No one could tell where the AIS team were staying

We are now back in Varese and yesterday and today are recovery days. We start ramping up again tomorrow ahead of the world cup + one day race + tour in Spain in early June.
Plenty of scenery on the 6 hr drive back to Varese

Before I sign off I wanted to share this pic. Yesterday I felt very special because I received some mail from my Mum and my sister (this is very exciting). My sister Cathy made me a necklace - how cool is that?!

Le Bizet

2010-05-22T21:13:00.001+10:00

Last night was Le Bizet, a race on the French/Belgian border. Roughly translated, Le Bizet means 'place of pain and cross winds where Australian riders spend an hour and a half eating handlebar and sweating spinal fluid'.

It was not a successful day for the Aussies. Our race strategy backfired and we didn't place, despite working our butts off at the front of the bunch. It was a long and painful way to learn some valuable lessons.

We are now on our way to France to race Route de Bourgogne, a 2 day 3 stage tour Sun/Mon. I am hoping to pull up ok after Le Bizet as it's a hilly tour and I'm going to need my legs in good condition. I spent so many bikkies last night it's going to be a mission to recover today.

Above is a pic of us post recovery-ride in Leuven on Thurs, heading back to our apartments.

Ride happy
Gunz

Lisa's Mum hits the Giro d'Italia

2010-05-20T02:50:00.000+10:00

I've received some mail asking where Lisa's Mum has been while I've been in Belgium. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure. I stowed her in my hand luggage when I left in Melbourne, and by the time I hit Italy she was nowhere to be found.

It wasn't until I checked my credit card statement and saw several purchases made at Gucci in Milano that I realised where she was. It is no secret that Lisa's Mum has lofty ambitions for joining the SBS commentary team at Le Tour de France, and it looks like she has taken this one step further by heading to the Giro d'Italia.

Lisa's Mum was extremely excited about today's Giro stage, where a break of 56 riders caught Vinokourov and Cadel napping and rode off to a 10min lead by the day's end. Her word from the inside is that both stopped for a picnic and, while arguing about who forgot to pack the cutlery, the break slipped past unnoticed. Mum is particularly pleased that Richie Porte has kicked Vino out of the pink, mostly because Richie is a superstar but also because blue lycra suits Vino's eyes much better.
Lisa's Mum doesn't want to be greedy but does think that Australia's dominance over all the jerseys of significance in the Giro so far is reflective of Aussies' grit, determination, and ability to withstand a large number of gels without encountering gastro-intestinal difficulty. She suspects some talent may be involved too. Mum is hoping that Richie's catapultion into the maglia rosa today will also serve as inspiration to other Tasmanians that they too can leave Tasmania one day and travel further than Melbourne.*

Lisa's Mum is enjoying the Giro at the moment but she is struggling to adjust to some of the cultural differences in Italy. For example, in Carrara, home of the stage 6 finish, it is customary to appoint only extremely tall women as podium chicks.

Don't let the picture fool you, Matty Lloyd is actually 6 ft 4

However, despite the differences, Lisa's Mum has found Italians very friendly and approachable. She even got to see her idol Mario Cipollini, who was thrilled to meet her and immediately demanded a photo. Lisa's Mum is usually camera-shy, but few women are able to say no to Cipo.

Lisa's Mum pauses for a photo with Cipo

That's enough from Lisa's Mum for now. She is off to par-tay with Saxo Bank (SOMEONE has to drink all that champagne, those riders certainly can't).

Ciao

*Lisa's Mum wishes to apologise in advance to any Tasmanians she may have offended with that last statement, and also to anyone she may have offended with the Tasmanian jokes she told at the stage 11 after-party. Mum wishes to emphasise that in no way did she mean that you all had 2 heads and married your sister.

First euro race and GP de Beauraing

2010-05-19T00:54:00.000+10:00

I had my first euro race on Saturday - a 78km kermesse in Belgium. It was fun and I didn't get dropped, and we won beer, which made it a good day all round. Actually, it was a lot more fun than I'd anticipated. I made all the girls afterwards pose for a picture so I could prove to everyone back home that I wasn't just drinking beer and discovering spiritualism on some big adventure overseas. (Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't drop a prayer or two before race start.) What made it a top day for me was how well the girls looked out for me and and talked me through the whole race. They've all been racing overseas a lot longer than I have and have been so generous with sharing their experience. It's a big learning curve but that day just made me feel wow, it's going to be AWESOME.

Regulation 5.4.1 of the Belgian Cycling Federation race rules states that race sign on must take place in a pub and that all spectators must be able to blow at least 0.09 by race end

The next day we raced the GP de Beauraing, which also happened to be the regional championship of Wallonia, the French-speaking part of Belgium. It was the equivalent of a state championship in oz. The race was 10 laps of a 9km circuit... which actually turned out to be 9 laps when they rang the bell one lap too early, but no one was complaining. It was a tricky little course that reminded us a lot of the Australian road nationals course - a climb followed by a tight narrow descent. I lost both my bidons on some potholes in the first 2 laps and there was no feeding until the 7th lap. For the weight weenies out there (you know who you are), yes this represented a significant weight advantage when going uphill in the first part of each subsequent lap. For my part, I was quite grateful when Beth, the AIS soigneur, handed me a bidon on the 7th lap which managed to stay in the cage where I had put it.

But the best part of the GP de Beauraing was that Spratty won it. It was an amazing solo effort that saw her break away in the first third of the race (at about the point where I was chomping stem and getting yelled at in Flemish), then ride her breakaway companion off her wheel on a bike that she later discovered had its front skewer undone. Her victory salute (the Kangaroo) was pure gold and if I can track down a photo I'll post it here. Then Kirsty won the bunch sprint for 3rd. So it was a good day for team AIS.
.

Supercoach Dave McPartland talks race tactics

We are here in Leuven, Belgium, until Sat.Our next race is on Fri night, then on Sat we pack up and head to France for a 2-day tour on Sun/ Mon. Then back to Italy for a gelati refuel.

Above left: Race faces ON!
Above right: We painted the cars so that we knew which ones were ours

Above left: Varese by moonlight
Above right: Pizza night in Varese

Ok, that's enough from me for now. Ride happy.

Cadel quotes at the Giro

2010-05-13T22:25:00.001+10:00
The Giro isn't quite going according to plan for Cadel Evans... These soundbites just in from the man himself, recorded by TE's Stu Lindsay. (Lisa's Mum would be proud):

To quote Cadel Evans: "Where the f***'s my team?"

To quote Cadel Evans "Well they're not much use to me back there are they!"

To quote Cadel Evans "Then you'd better make sure you pick the top riders for the Tour because this Giro's gone pear-shaped already"

Enjoy the coverage.

En route to Belgium

2010-05-13T17:36:00.001+10:00

We are currently in the early stages of a 10hr roadtrip from the AIS base in Castronno, Italy, to Leuven, Belgium. We've passed thru Mendrisio, Switzerland (home of the 2009 world road champs) and are now approaching Zurich.

As you can see, the weather is TERRIBLE! No sign of improvement over the next couple of weeks.

In Belgium we'll be racing some kermesses and then sticking around for a week before racing a 1 day in Wallonia (French-speaking Belgium) and a 2 day tour in France.

I have not pulled up well from the long-haul flight and on our first ride in Varese I got some sharp quad pain in my right leg, out of the blue when I got out of the saddle. Beth, the AIS soigneur and physio is looking after me and I'm really hoping it settles down quickly but it is proving a bit stubborn. This was not the plan to start off injured!

In Varese

2010-05-12T00:51:00.001+10:00

Today is my first day at the AIS base in Varese, Italy. I flew in early this morning with Shara Gillow and Carlee Taylor, both of whom have returned from the Tour of Chonming Island in China. We have joined Lauren Kitchen, Amanda Spratt and Kirsty Broun who have been training up a storm here in Varese.

The AIS base is a block of apartments that is home to a variety of bike-related athletes. At the moment, it's housing the Jayco-AIS boys, women's road, and a couple of BMX chicks. The apartments are pretty well set up with a bike room, gym/ergo room and office. There are Italian lessons for the athletes, regular massages and it's opposite what I'm told is the world's best gelati shop. It's a tough life. There are around 3 athletes in each apartment and I'm sharing with Lauren and Carlee.

It is very wet here at the moment - unusual for this time of the year. After we unpacked bikes we rode for 2.5hrs in the rain and got so cold that my fingers couldn't undo my helmet strap buckle or zips when we finished. Not quite the Italian summer I was hoping for but it can only get better.

The day after tomorrow we drive to Belgium for some kermesse racing and then a short 2-day tour in France. (The rain today was probably good prep for Belgium!) I spent some time living in Brussels in 2005/6 when I worked for Linklaters and I'm looking forward to going back... it's a very cool little country.

At the moment everything feels pretty new and there is a lot to take in but I'm looking forward to getting settled. And a good night's sleep after the 21hr transit wouldn't go astray, either!

Lisa Jacobs - Ride Happy

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Out of action

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NOW WITH PHOTOS Oceania champs